BUSH: WAR, MADONNA OFFICIALLY OVER
But Critics Assail Post-Madonna Planning
In a nationally broadcast address last night, President George W. Bush pronounced the war in Iraq, as well as the singer-actress Madonna, officially over.
The war in Iraq is over, the President simply stated, and so is Madonna.
While Mr. Bush acknowledged that Madonna still had pockets of listeners, he added that even they would soon disperse after listening to her new CD, American Life.
Around the globe, millions who had lived under the yoke of Madonna for the last twenty years poured out into the streets in spontaneous celebrations.
Customers at Tower Records on Londons fabled Oxford Street tore down a life-sized cardboard cutout of the erstwhile Material Girl before repeatedly throwing their shoes at it.
But even as euphoria over the end of Madonnas reign spread from hemisphere to hemisphere, Dr. David Henner, who studies annoying celebrities at the University of Minnesota, cautioned that little or no thought had been given to what might eventually replace Madonna.
In a worst-case scenario, her sudden departure could be setting the stage for Kelly Osbourne or Kelly Clarkson or some other Kelly we dont even know about yet, Dr. Henner said.
The Presidents announcement that Madonna was officially over tended to overshadow the other major news event of the day, former Iraqi President Saddam Husseins sixty-sixth birthday.
According to friends of the former dictator, Mr. Hussein celebrated his birthday quietly in the Miami neighborhood of South Beach, where he shares a two-bedroom apartment with Osama bin Laden.
****BOROWITZ REPORT ****
But Critics Assail Post-Madonna Planning
In a nationally broadcast address last night, President George W. Bush pronounced the war in Iraq, as well as the singer-actress Madonna, officially over.
The war in Iraq is over, the President simply stated, and so is Madonna.
While Mr. Bush acknowledged that Madonna still had pockets of listeners, he added that even they would soon disperse after listening to her new CD, American Life.
Around the globe, millions who had lived under the yoke of Madonna for the last twenty years poured out into the streets in spontaneous celebrations.
Customers at Tower Records on Londons fabled Oxford Street tore down a life-sized cardboard cutout of the erstwhile Material Girl before repeatedly throwing their shoes at it.
But even as euphoria over the end of Madonnas reign spread from hemisphere to hemisphere, Dr. David Henner, who studies annoying celebrities at the University of Minnesota, cautioned that little or no thought had been given to what might eventually replace Madonna.
In a worst-case scenario, her sudden departure could be setting the stage for Kelly Osbourne or Kelly Clarkson or some other Kelly we dont even know about yet, Dr. Henner said.
The Presidents announcement that Madonna was officially over tended to overshadow the other major news event of the day, former Iraqi President Saddam Husseins sixty-sixth birthday.
According to friends of the former dictator, Mr. Hussein celebrated his birthday quietly in the Miami neighborhood of South Beach, where he shares a two-bedroom apartment with Osama bin Laden.
****BOROWITZ REPORT ****
