Hey Molly!
So I totally just wanted to comment on the fact that I sort of sensed that you were off lately. I heard you mention on the planning board that you were taking a break from your TR because you weren't in a "zen place". Just wanted to offer some encouragement!!!
I know your life is all over the place right now, what with E being sick and stupid MIL on top of regular ol' life. I hope things look up for you. Don't worry about updating, we'll be here, waiting, whenever you're ready. Much love to you and your family.
Thanks.
I just got really tired, and while I was OK in handing out thoughts and advice on touring, or budgeting, or if people providing money for a wedding are allowed to want input...talking about our trip was too much.
I'm over it now...I started getting jealous of Sherry and mnmrmustard (I must remember his name at some point, or at least get his username right one of these times!) and their reports, so I had to get back to it.
The MIL...you didn't ask, but here's what she said.
I've mentioned that she's Korean, and she is extremely outspoken. I'm quite sure there are plenty of Korean women of her age who are lovely, kind, sweet women (the sister of hers that I met, who told me I was beautiful and watched one of E's very first nursing sessions (b/c she and her husband were in America at that time), is one of those), but my MIL is absolutely the image that comedian (hate the word "comedianne") Margaret Cho paints of her own Korean born mother. Says what she wants, insults people, she's prejudiced, etc.
For quite awhile now, even after Robert and I started trying for another baby (though we kept it quiet b/c I rarely want to know when my friends are "trying"), Kyung has been outspoken in how GLAD she is that we haven't had another. Although that's been hurtful, as I look back, she was so right. He has been a handful, and if I had had another (or two more, as was originally "planned" by this time) like him or more difficult than him, I would have imploded and disappeared forever. But especially in the last one and a half years, as we've figured out what makes him tick, and he's become so much more reasonable LOL, we've really known that it's time. And it's probably not a coincidence that we've really gone forth in following up on our own, with Robert's health concerns, because he had a *strong* feeling that any "fault" was with his body. And so we found all of this.
Kyung knew about the diabetes diagnosis b/c Eamon told her. He also told her about Robert's layoff last April! We keep thinking we've learned our open and honest in front of the munchkin lesson, but I guess we haven't yet. And so whenever she gets me alone, she makes sure that I'm keeping control of him and his eating...and that's an epic in itself...she "controlled" him from when he was a *toddler*. He has a round Korean face (much rounder than his brother's...but his brother is only his *half* brother and there are some strong fundamental differences in their faces due to different fathers, while he and his full sister are almost clones) and he's a big strong man...he could have been a sumo if he'd been Japanese. And he's been a sturdy kid since he was little.
Kyung put him on a diet as a toddler. When he'd wake in the mornings, hungry, she would send her first son in with a big glass bottle of *water*. Which filled him up but kept him from getting any calories. Just thinking about what that could do to a baby's metabolism stuns me. But she thought she was doing right by him. Growing up, his sibs had ice cream, he had a popsicle. They had Cokes, he had Tab (for the youngsters, that was the precursor to Diet Coke/Pepsi, and had saccharine in it). etc etc.
And so, a food-sneak was created. And attempts to "control" him only make it worse. Her attempts to shame him into losing the weight that sneaking food created made it worse.
It's taken almost 10 years for us to figure out a way that I can talk so he will listen, and not sneak, about food. Right before his blood sugar diagnosis, I had noticed some big problems, and I had started working on mentioning them to him, and letting him know what they might mean (coloring changes on legs and back of neck = blood sugar problems). But he had to get as sick as he got, before he could even think about making such changes in his diet. HE had to do it.
I'm not the boss of him, I'm not in charge of his body, and I've told her this, but she continues to insist that I am.
The worst? If he gains weight, it's HIS fault, and I am the poor wife who has to put up with it. IF he LOSES...I get the kudos. She's messed up.
So what does all this have to do with what happened? It's just background for the kind of person she is. I mention that she's not from here to make sure you understand that we don't really share a language. Actually, if she'd speak Japanese, I could take a refresher, and we could talk much better with each other...but she refuses to speak Japanese b/c she learned by force when her country was occupied, and her father spent a year in a concentration camp for having Korean books in his possession. I understand...but if we could speak that language, it would make things easier.
So when Robert went off to the Land Down Under last month, I stopped in with E. It was as we were getting sick, and my defenses were down. She flat out asked me if I was pregnant, and was disappointed to hear that the answer was no. And it came out that all of a sudden, she is *desperate* for us to have "a sibling for Eamon". Like THAT is why we want another kid. Like THAT is a good reason to have a kid. Here kid, you're lonely, let's make a kid for you. Uh, no.
And so, in that weakened state (and thankful she hadn't told me how fat I was and have been for a couple years now), I reminded her of the prolactinoma, and how it was messing with his system, and I let her know about the other hormone problem he's having too. But that we're working on treatment for that.
I told her that we've been trying since E was 9 months old. I told this ALL to her, when it's not her business, in hopes that it would stop her from asking again.
But yesterday, while E and I were at the store, she called. And started crying. Why? Because she wants Eamon to "have a brother or sister" soooo bad. She's so sad, she's desperate, she's praying to Buddha and "daddy" (even though Buddhists believe in reincarnation, she somehow has it in her head that Robert's father reached nirvana with his death...listen...Robert and his brother were at the memorial service talking about how they figured he'd had to go back to *cockroach* due to his actions in this incarnation...there's a serious disconnect as to what sort of man he truly was, and what sort of man she has decided he was). etc etc. Crying.
And Robert told me. And he told me without any buildup. No "my mom has lost her mind, listen to what she did, this is horrible", no "brace yourself for what my mom said, it's not nice of her", etc.
And when he told me, and when I went ballistic (this was after E was asleep by the way), he went silent. And I was telling him that silence was hurting my feelings, that I needed him to talk, to help, to do something...and he stayed silent because that's his reaction to ballistic women...it sparked an argument between us. Which isn't surprising...Kyung actually knew we'd have problems with communication from the moment she found out I'm a "Rooster", because Robert's a "Rat", in Asian astrology...and the stresses of low fertility, even secondary (maybe even especially secondary) fertility problems aren't known to make partners all sweetness and light all the time to begin with... We worked it out, it didn't take long, but I didn't appreciate that yet again, something she said had sparked a problem.
It also, of course, brought up these years of frustration and sadness. I'm sure, if I were a medically-minded person I could have gone to someone, had a workup, and since they'd probably find no problems they would have moved along to Robert sooner...but that's not me. And at every moment along this timeline, I've talked...will I regret not seeing an RE now...if a few years from now I see one, and there's a problem, will I be disappointed in my past self...will Robert be disappointed, etc etc etc. We've been possibly more verbal than many others about it all (except for the possibility of a donor...that only recently got brought up, but still, it was brought up, through laughter and goofy ideas of who we could use). And the bottomline for that thought process is that Robert had brought up his concerns for 3 years to several different health care providers, and until this endocrinologist, NONE of them would do what he wanted them to do. So we have THAT along with all the other emotions to deal with. It's been really sad and difficult, and I very rarely talk about it. I barely talk about it to one friend, and she's the only one in real life. The person I *should* be talking to is a friend who hasn't been able to have any kids...but because I've had Eamon, I feel bad talking to her, because I should just be thankful for him and not bother her...those are *my* thoughts, not hers...I'm sure she, my oldest friend, would be happy to talk, but I just can't pick up the phone about it... It's been all inside...
But I told my MIL the problem. I told her, through tears, how long we'd been working on another baby. I told her this so she wouldn't have unrealistic expectations. I gave her the timelines that the endo has told us for when the shots would start working. I gave her so much more information than she needed to know...
But she called, crying, because she wants a "sibling for Eamon".
And I'm done, again, with her. What does she think she's accomplishing by such a call? She has THREE sisters that she can talk about this with. She has a great int'l calling plan, she talks to them all the time. She has friends. She has her monk. She should talk to *them*. Not us. Not ever us. It all fell on top of all the other stuff she's pulled, and it's renewed my wish to just not talk, not see, not deal with her at all again....
Writing it out, maybe it's petty. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's not worth being so angry. I think that only someone who has been through problems like this might relate to my outrage, and maybe they would think it's petty too.
But it's how I feel. I feel hurt.
Bet y'all are afraid of whenever I go to WDW, eh?
I think this can be played as a one person game. I haven't a clue if you can trade up, as we disliked the prizes so very much.
confused3 what's up with that?) This required two people at least. You can trade up, if Dumbo's on display.
Anyway, that was the 10th, and this was the 12th, and we were excited, and hey, no line! I don't have to rush. I'll take a picture of lights and lamps.
After reading your post it makes me selfishly glad I don't have to deal with my MIL anymore. 
). I'm sorry.
Which is why it surprises me that you would have a hard time finding one in your area.
