This. If there was anything left to get for the party I would use some of the money towards the party itself and then put the rest towards a big ticket gift (like a crib, stroller, etc) and acknowledge the big help her mom was. Seems like mom is not just happy that you guys are doing this for her daughter, but she is willing to help out even after making the monetary contribution.
FTR, I'm not against family members hosting showers for one another. I didn't actually know it was a problem until the DIS.
Exactly. It's to help out the new mom. Does not matter who hosts it.
But, why? Why put this woman in the awkward position of having to keep a secret from her mom (you returned the money) so as to not hurt her mother's feelings (since mom cared so much to contribute that she ended up in tears)? Honestly, with the latest info, it sounds like the mother has few options for being involved with her daughter's baby shower. You're hosting the event, paying for the event, and providing all(!) the big ticket items. There's a difference between a nice gesture vs. taking over to the exclusion of everyone and everything else, and making the guest of honor (and her family) feel like a charity case. The mother wants to contribute to her daughter's shower -- let her. If the woman was flush with cash would you still be trying so hard to return the money? If the answer is "no" then you do see her as a charity case and I'd imagine they're now in the uncomfortable position of having picked up on that.
If you knew who they were, you would try to keep it a secret. As far as the mother knows, she is helping. She would never know. I have known this family for a very long time. The mother only takes in about $500 month from SS. she lives with her daughter, son in law and 2 sisters in a small apt. This is a whole months pay for her. She must have been saving it since they found out they were pregnant. My conscience will not allow me to take it. The daughter knows that she spends money on things she should not be buying like groceries, clothes for the kids, etc.
I was thinking that or a savings bond.
This is the same thing. She has a large family. I think there will be about 60 people at the party (coed). Sound like we may be from similar cultures. $500 does not cover much, maybe the beer. They are going to get so much baby stuff and they have cousins giving them hand me downs. From what I heard from the mother, she has no idea about this party which is great. This will be buffet but have catering company handle the cooking and cleanup. We are going to buy the alcohol/beverages.
Sounds a lot more interesting than what I'd recognize as a baby shower: 10 or a dozen ladies sitting around a preggo wearing a hat made of gift-bows and being served cookies and lemonade while onesies and receiving blankets are passed around to be observed.
Sounds a lot more interesting than what I'd recognize as a baby shower: 10 or a dozen ladies sitting around a preggo wearing a hat made of gift-bows and being served cookies and lemonade while onesies and receiving blankets are passed around to be observed.
Oh no. Baby showers/wedding showers/birthdays/etc. even Christmas Eve we go all out. It's a big party until 2am. Looking forward to it this year since I don't have to host it (typically we celebrate down in key west but due to the hurricane and damage to our home down there, someone else will have to host).
