most said the rooms were dirty and it didn't feel like "Disney".
Consider the audience - most of us here are Aulani fans, hence why we're posting on the Aulani forum! I can't say I've ever heard Aulani rooms described as dirty. I think that's subjective and it certainly was not our experience. That said, we were there over three years ago now, so its possible they're due for refurbishment. Not sure when/if one has been done.
As far as not feeling like Disney, that's intentional. Many here will describe the theme of Aulani as being true to the Hawaiian culture and history, so you're not going to find an Art of Animation "in your face" theme here. The Disney theme is subdued with touches of it in places (i.e. instrumental ukulele Disney songs in the elevator), but otherwise its akin to other high end resorts in the area so that it appeals to more than just Disney fans.
The resort actually reminds me of AKL with the dark wood features and rooms that are darker in décor. Its not too far off from the Polynesian too, as that has some darker features.
1) Disney is known for above and beyond treatment and 2) the "magic" and 3) the ability for him to go to kids club so we can get massages, etc.
1) The Disney service is present, in my experience. But, we stayed at four resorts including Aulani during our time in Hawaii, and we had excellent service at all of them (others were Marriott/Starwood properties).
2) A resort is very different than a theme park, so magical experiences aren't really abound. They do have character meals, character meets, and fun things like the Menehune Trail which provides a little bit of "magic", but its still a resort at the end of the day.
3) We don't have kids, but I do know that Aunty's Beach House often fills to capacity and people will line up in the morning to ensure their kid has a spot there for the day. I can't speak to whether this just occurs during peak seasons, or if its something you'd need to plan for - hopefully someone else can confirm.
One thing I think that attributes to some people's "disappointment" is that they visit Aulani for the resort itself, rather than visiting to see Hawaii. I always say that you should go desiring a Hawaiian vacation rather than an Aulani vacation. The resort was designed with the thought in mind that people would use it as a home base while touring the island, and they underestimated the amount of people who would stay put at the resort without ever leaving. This is why many complain pools and common areas can be crowded, and why there aren't a ton of on-site activities offered. Even though we loved Aulani, I would not say the resort in and of itself is worth a visit alone. Its a long and expensive trip for most. And there probably are "nicer" resorts in Hawaii, though that's subjective. For us, if we wanted a beach vacation, we'd stick to the Caribbean or Florida. But, if we ever want to visit Hawaii again, we'd stay at Aulani with a split stay somewhere else.