18 year olds, sigh

[AndreaDM]

Anyone else have a kid who thought the moment they turned 18 they could do whatever they wanted to and not have any rules because they're now an "adult"? Just venting, but my very sweet girl who was my little BFF for years is now acting an angry, entitled, negative brat. Not all the time of course, but whenever I say no to anything she says, "I don't know why you have to be like that, I'm 18 now, blah blah blah". Ugh, if you want to be an adult, pay your own darn bills! FYI, she's a high school senior and I know it's been a rough year and I'm trying to be understanding of all the things she's missed out on, etc., but there is still no reason to be rude and disrespectful to me. Maybe this is how it makes shipping them off to college a little easier?

 

[AndreaDM]

And I realize as I post this, I'm opening myself to lots of criticism because as we all know, 99% of the DisKids are total overachievers with a 5.5 GPA, go to church every Sunday, happily do all their chores, and volunteer 50 hours a week lol.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Yes my son pulled that a few times. I had to let him know the same thing you told your DD. My rules until you pay your own bills. He actually had a college professor who told the class that you aren’t an adult until you are 100% independent from your parents. That helped him and made him realize things. He turned 21 today. He has a lot more leniency but I still have rules and he respects that. He still calls me and asks me if his girlfriend or friends can come over if I’m not home (and even when I’m home).

 

[holden]

I'm right there with you! I have a DD18 who is the same way. She has some things going on that she needs to see different doctors for. Of course no one will let me make an appointment or ask about insurance coverage until she signs HIPPA. I totally get that. When I asked her if she would sign it she wanted to think about it. I was patient and said, "OK", but what I was thinking was, "How about you make all the phone calls and handle the insurance paperwork?" She would last about five minutes doing that.

I thought we'd be over this stage by now. It's like she's 13 again.

 

[Donald13]

And I realize as I post this, I'm opening myself to lots of criticism because as we all know, 99% of the DisKids are total overachievers with a 5.5 GPA, go to church every Sunday, happily do all their chores, and volunteer 50 hours a week lol.

Omg. This made me laugh so hard. Like sorry. But my kids are already being scouted for lacrosse and tennis and they are only 13 and 10.

 

[LuvOrlando]

You are transitioning into the adult child - mom zone and there are no rules. This territory is rocky and messy, contains lots of mood swings and angst, just hold on and whenever I don't know what to say I remind my kids they are the ones changing, not me & a humble "I Love You no matter what" seems to be the glue that works best.

 

[AndreaDM]

Omg. This made me laugh so hard. Like sorry. But my kids are already being scouted for lacrosse and tennis and they are only 13 and 10.

Oh yes, I forgot to add Olympic athletes as well!

 

[mi*vida*loca]

And my DD just turned 15 and has made comments that when she turns 18 she can do what she wants. Pump your brakes child because that’s not happening.

 

[AndreaDM]

I'm right there with you! I have a DD18 who is the same way. She has some things going on that she needs to see different doctors for. Of course no one will let me make an appointment or ask about insurance coverage until she signs HIPPA. I totally get that. When I asked her if she would sign it she wanted to think about it. I was patient and said, "OK", but what I was thinking was, "How about you make all the phone calls and handle the insurance paperwork?" She would last about five minutes doing that.

I thought we'd be over this stage by now. It's like she's 13 again.

Yes, we're dealing with this too, I've had to remind her to call and make an appt. before she runs out of meds three times! I can't talk to anyone about it, but I can sure pay the bills when they come!

 

[kdonnel]

I think kids go through a period like that at some point or another between 15 and 25. Some much earlier, some much later.

Good luck!

 

[AndreaDM]

And my DD just turned 15 and has made comments that when she turns 18 she can do what she wants. Pump your brakes child because that’s not happening.

Ha, I would have said the same thing, but she never mentioned it until she turned 18! She's been increasingly difficult to live with these past few years, and we've had our challenges before she turned 18, but now it's like what I say doesn't even matter anymore. I know they are preparing to leave the nest and now I see why birds might give the little ones a shove lol!

 

[Kitty 34]

It's called "leaving the nest" syndrome. They have to be rather difficult so you don't cry as bad when they leave said nest. Oh and btw, I cried and cried when each left and they didn't even come close to meeting the DIS snowflake criteria.

Good luck.......it will get better. My babies are now 32, 40 and the my 2nd DS will be celebrating his 34 tomorrow. All are settled in their own nests. :

 

[kanerf]

You see, back in the day when they were 18 they had to go out and work, or join the service, or whatever and were not allowed to lay around at home. When you have to do hard work all day, every day, you don't have much time left over to be bratty.

 

[Heather07438]

It's a 2 way street. An 18yo is a full fledged adult with all the choice privileges only when they are doing all the full fledged adult things. All of them, lol.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Ha, I would have said the same thing, but she never mentioned it until she turned 18! She's been increasingly difficult to live with these past few years, and we've had our challenges before she turned 18, but now it's like what I say doesn't even matter anymore. I know they are preparing to leave the nest and now I see why birds might give the little ones a shove lol!

Don't shove, they can't fly yet and then they'll just land in your basement.

 

[Micca]

And I realize as I post this, I'm opening myself to lots of criticism because as we all know, 99% of the DisKids are total overachievers with a 5.5 GPA, go to church every Sunday, happily do all their chores, and volunteer 50 hours a week lol.

So you know my DDs???

 

[AndreaDM]

I would just talk to your girl! Just remember yourself in this age, probably you had the same thoughts and you were acting in the same way...

Absolutely! But, I also knew better than to act entitled and thinking my parents owed me anything if I wanted to be adult.

 

[mjkacmom]

Dd18 is fine, ds18 is soiling the nest, by making poor choices. He actually has less freedom now than I would like.

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

I had a lot of these moments when I came home for summers. I was very independent as I started living the majority of time away from home at 13-14 so thought I could manage myself haha.

looking back, I wasn’t being asked for anything more than common courtesy but when you’re just finding your boundaries and making your own decisions, it all seems so oppressive.

 

[mefordis]

Oh yes, I forgot to add Olympic athletes as well!

With full ride scholarships to top schools. And jobs lined up for them after graduation paying 6 figures.