We also had a GREAT bus driver who saw that a woman and her child were stuck standing on one of our busses and told the bus that someone better get up and give them their seat, otherwise he would pick someone. Literally everyone sitting just stared at each other until an older man got up to stand. That was ridiculous. There were so many other people who could have offered their seat yet the oldest man on the bus has to stand? Ugh.
If a bus driver said that and I heard it, I'd report him to management. That's threatening, and most likely illegal. The only seats that have signs to be available for the handicapped are the ones that fold up, and a few tagged in the front. Thing is, you can't ask for proof if someone is handicapped. And you don't have to get up because the bus driver wants a woman and a kid to have a seat.
I’ve replied before about this topic & some lady went on a rant telling me about how women didn’t need a man to xyz, etc. I am a woman btw. I was raised that the young (boy or girl) & men should give up their seats to ladies & older people. Also we were taught to open a door for others, husbands do not walk in front of their wives, & to generally be courteous to each other. We have raised our children this way too. Our son would never stay seated while older people or ladies stand & he would never open a door & walk thru before a lady. It’s not because of some male dominance issue, he knows women (or the elderly) are fully able to manage alone. He does it because he was raised to respect & show respect to others. And it does annoy me when I see fully able people making the elderly or people with small children in their arms stand. I’ve given up my seat to men & women on the busses who needed it more than me. I’ve also been on the other end when our children were little & I was standing, trying to hold on to one of our children & not fall over with no one offering a seat. In those situations I’d have been grateful if they’d have at least offered it to my child. But people can be self centered & selfish at times, especially when tired.
It's only respect if you do it for all ages and genders. Once you start to categorize who 'needs' a seat, you are patronizing. it should be based on need - and who can judge that correctly 100%? But people should think about it - that young guy you think should stand may have sickle cell, or juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, etc.
I personally think a mentality like "every fit adult male with empty hands on a full bus [has] to be on his feet" is actually pretty insulting to women, implying that they're delicate flowers incapable of standing on their own.
Of course people should be kind and offer seats to those who look like they need one, but blanket policies based on gender are, no matter how well intentioned, a little demeaning.
I totally agree - but people find it hard to think beyond how they were raised, and can feel threatened when their values are questioned. But I think it's good to make people think about traditions and if they are positive or negative.
I couldn't disagree more. I could never naturally come to the conclusion that it is demeaning for a man to offer his seat or open a door for me when, in fact, these gestures are acts of sacrificing his own wants/needs and making himself less important in order to honor me.
But are you being honored for your gender or for some other reason? If it's just gender, that's sexism - why not give up the seat for anyone who needs it, hold the door for anyone who needs it? No need to be the knight in shining armor "sacrificing" for the weaker sex.
It's etiquette, and people aren't teaching it anymore. We've had plenty of trips where I was left standing with two infants/toddlers in my arms while DH juggled the stroller. We have taught our girls that if an individual gets on the bus who is a senior, injured, or with a young child that you give up your seat. It's called being polite.
See - this I agree with - anyone who needs a seat should be offered one if you can do without. My 77 year old FIL could stand on a bus for hours (does it in Mexico all the time) and my girls could do it as well. So they offer seats when they see anyone who needs one; male, female, old, young. Some people say yes, some say no. Life goes on.
You misunderstood me. It's not demeaning a woman for a man to sacrifice his own wants/needs or to make himself less important in a simple gesture of holding a door or offering a seat to a woman. I'm not in the camp of demasculinizing men to make women look/feel stronger/in control nor do I have patience for redefining/misconstruing the natural/common meaning of words or gestures in order to fit a specific agenda.
But you consider a sacrifice, like we can't sacrifice, only the manly men can. And then you sealed the deal with the term "demasculizing'. (It's actually emasculating:
1.
deprive (a man) of his male role or identity.
That's the problem right there. You've assigned a certain behavior based on a gender identity.
BINGO! This is exactly the problem. There was a generation that rejected their parents teachings so they never passed that along.
For some good reasons - think of what was being done before.