U.S. CAPTURES THREE MORE POKEMON CARDS
Pikacu, No. 25, Remains Elusive
United States forces captured three more Pokemon cards today, bringing the U.S.s collection of Pokemon cards to a total of twenty-seven.
Touring Baghdad today, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld confirmed the capture of Charmander (#4), Charmeleon (#5) and Caterpie (#10), all believed to be high-ranking Pokemon cards.
Acknowledging that Pikacu (#25) remained elusive, Mr. Rumsfeld was bullish on the prospects of the U.S. eventually obtaining all outstanding Pokemon cards.
The Pokemon cards are collapsing like a house of Pokemon cards, Mr. Rumsfeld said at an impromptu press briefing at which he displayed an impressive collection of Pokemon cards.
Although Mr. Rumsfeld was careful not to reveal precisely which intelligence sources had led the U.S. to the capture of the three Pokemon cards, he did confirm that all three of them were found on eBay.
As Mr. Rumsfeld boasted that the U.S. would soon possess a collection of Pokemon cards second to none, nervous European allies worried that the U.S. was unlikely to be satisfied with such a modest goal.
France, Germany, Belgium and Luxembourg convened an emergency meeting today and released a joint communiqué in which the four EU nations urged the U.S. not to start collecting Yu-Gi-Oh cards in addition to Pokemon cards.
But Mr. Rumsfeld dismissed the four-nation call as an Old Europe Henny-Penny hissy-fit before issuing a stern warning to the Yu-Gi-Oh cards: You can run, but you cannot hide.
In other international news, President Bush today presented his so-called roadmap for peace but then had difficulty re-folding the roadmap and putting it back in the glove compartment of Air Force One.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT****
Pikacu, No. 25, Remains Elusive
United States forces captured three more Pokemon cards today, bringing the U.S.s collection of Pokemon cards to a total of twenty-seven.
Touring Baghdad today, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld confirmed the capture of Charmander (#4), Charmeleon (#5) and Caterpie (#10), all believed to be high-ranking Pokemon cards.
Acknowledging that Pikacu (#25) remained elusive, Mr. Rumsfeld was bullish on the prospects of the U.S. eventually obtaining all outstanding Pokemon cards.
The Pokemon cards are collapsing like a house of Pokemon cards, Mr. Rumsfeld said at an impromptu press briefing at which he displayed an impressive collection of Pokemon cards.
Although Mr. Rumsfeld was careful not to reveal precisely which intelligence sources had led the U.S. to the capture of the three Pokemon cards, he did confirm that all three of them were found on eBay.
As Mr. Rumsfeld boasted that the U.S. would soon possess a collection of Pokemon cards second to none, nervous European allies worried that the U.S. was unlikely to be satisfied with such a modest goal.
France, Germany, Belgium and Luxembourg convened an emergency meeting today and released a joint communiqué in which the four EU nations urged the U.S. not to start collecting Yu-Gi-Oh cards in addition to Pokemon cards.
But Mr. Rumsfeld dismissed the four-nation call as an Old Europe Henny-Penny hissy-fit before issuing a stern warning to the Yu-Gi-Oh cards: You can run, but you cannot hide.
In other international news, President Bush today presented his so-called roadmap for peace but then had difficulty re-folding the roadmap and putting it back in the glove compartment of Air Force One.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT****
