Question.... kids on the ship while you're in port?

[bbel]

We did a morning excursion as a family, then went back to the ship for lunch. After lunch, my two boys, 14 and 12, went off to the Vibe and Edge respectively. They were done with Tortola. DH and I decided to pop out and take a look at the shops, which are practically right outside the door (albeit a customs check in between). We shopped (too much, but that's another thread) and hung out for an hour or so, then came back on the ship. Later that night, we were talking with the youth club manager CM about some bullying on the stairs to the Edge that my son had encountered (he had on a Lab band and they were calling him a baby and saying he was too young for Edge). Anyway, the CM said they tried to call us, but found out we were off the ship. The way she said it made it sound like we were horrible parents for leaving our 12 year old for an hour. We glossed by the insinuation to continue the point and resolve the bullying (he took off the Lab band), but it's nagged at me since.

Did I do something wrong? I was technically in another country from my children (well, pre-teen and teen), even though I was just steps away. As my son had been having a great time at the Edge and continued to do so, even after that event, I'm hoping it was okay. I don't want to be irresponsible, but I don't want to be a helicopter parent that has to be on call for an event that may never happen. They aren't little anymore.

I'm sorry you think they were making you feel bad. I can safely say that anyone I worked with on board wouldn't give it a second thought you were off the ship. I'd say 75% of the kids in care on a port day are there while their parents are off the ship. We wouldn't have a job if they didn't.
They purely just wanted you to know that they were aware there was an issue. That they tried to deal with it right away but you weren't there and they just wanted you to know that. And bullying is one thing they take seriously in any form with anyone on board.
Their first response is to call for anything. Your kids band-aid fell off (that you gave them) and they want a new one, they call to tell you their putting a new one on. You're kids cold and wants a jacket we call. If you're off the ship, we let you know we called when you get back on because some parents see they had a missed call and freak out.

We have kids on med cruises who are checked in from 7-7 while the parents do excursions (some kids every port day). I never thought they were bad parents. I thought they were actually decent. Doing what works best for their family. Not dragging their kids around and having them hating life.

 

[bbel]

Bullying happens on the ship just like it does at school. Adults even do it in the workplace. Even happens on the disboards. Kids have to learn the skills to deal with it. I don't even know why the cm called you. They should have put an end to it or called the parents of the kid who was doing the bullying. You can't be there every time someone says something mean to your kid. They'll never develop the thick skin needed to cope in this world. You did nothing wrong.

While this might be OK with you. I can see a number of parents that wouldn't be too pleased. You get your kid back ask them what they did they tell you they were being called names. You asked your kid what was done?
Oh they told them to stop and told me to suck it up because bullying happens anywhere and everywhere....
Happy vacation!

Most parents I met were actually quite pleased that we told if their kids didn't have a great time. Explained what happened and told them what was done.
And yes. Parents from both sides are informed.

 

[Carrie in AZ]

I posted earlier on this thread and wanted to add WHY we left DD13 on the ship while DH, DD9 and I went and snorkeled for two hours on Cozumel.

DD13 is very afraid of the ocean, is sure she will be attacked by a shark. We had chartered our own boat the previous day to go to Stingray City and snorkel at coral gardens. We asked her a million times if she could commit to this and she agreed. Well, when it came time to go, she begged to stay on the ship and we wouldn't allow it. She ended up ruining our excursion with her attitude and non-participation, so much so we headed back one hour early. The next day was Cozumel. We said we would like to try some snorkeling again and she again asked if she could stay onboard. Even though I didn't have a lot of peace about it, we did it anyway and were gone about 2.5 hours. We were all so much happier doing what we wanted to be doing!

 

[elvispursley]

I don't think some of you are treating disney_traveler fairly. I didn't see her posts as judgmental until some of you started to jump on her. At that point she needed to defend her position. Her opinion differs from yours and that is OK. Her opinion. Take it or leave it but don't pile on her. I don't see her as a troll.

I will say that my husband and myself have been HAPPILY married for 42 years now and not once felt the need to have alone time on a family vacation. When we decided to have kids they became our number one. Our marriage survived. I am not judging just stating what worked for us.

OP, only you know your children and know what you personally are comfortable with. Do what you feel is right in your heart. It's great that people have given you different things to think about, both the pros and cons.

Unfortunately, you're probably correct in that she is not a troll. I could probably forget this statement a lot easier if she was: "Dear parents.....if you wanted alone time, me time, couple time, free time, etc; you should have thought about that BEFORE having children." I thought that was an extremely offensive, abrasive, and rude statement to make.

I'm sure having been married for 42 years that you must know the value of having alone time with your spouse (outside of "family" vacations). I think all of us who are/have been married and have children realize that the importance of showing our children love for our spouse and having a regular, or even occasional, date night. But regardless, different marriages have things that work differently for each one, just as each family will make a decision about what feels comfortable for them about leaving their children on the ship while they are in port, as you eloquently stated, and many of us. I can only hope that I am as lucky as you are and to someday be as happily married for 42 years (or longer ) and that my kids will still want to take family vacations with us, even when they are grown and have families of their own!

 

[Disney_traveler]

I can guarantee to everyone here I'm not a troll. I've been a member if these threads for right around a year. You can go back and see I've sought advice for trips as well as posted on all types of threads. I DO have strong beliefs, thoughts and opinions based on my upbringing, life, work experience for the 32 years I have been alive. I believe I have as much right to post what
I think and feel as the next person. If I have an opinion I feel strongly about and it is in opposition to the general consensus, I'm still going to post it. You never know who might be looking for that point of view to help them or what minds it may change.

 

[FigmentSpark]

I'm sorry you think they were making you feel bad. I can safely say that anyone I worked with on board wouldn't give it a second thought you were off the ship. I'd say 75% of the kids in care on a port day are there while their parents are off the ship. We wouldn't have a job if they didn't.
They purely just wanted you to know that they were aware there was an issue. That they tried to deal with it right away but you weren't there and they just wanted you to know that. And bullying is one thing they take seriously in any form with anyone on board.
Their first response is to call for anything. Your kids band-aid fell off (that you gave them) and they want a new one, they call to tell you their putting a new one on. You're kids cold and wants a jacket we call. If you're off the ship, we let you know we called when you get back on because some parents see they had a missed call and freak out.

We have kids on med cruises who are checked in from 7-7 while the parents do excursions (some kids every port day). I never thought they were bad parents. I thought they were actually decent. Doing what works best for their family. Not dragging their kids around and having them hating life.

Thanks. Maybe you're right, but there was tone in her voice. But maybe, as we were discussing it, I had tone, too (I am an emotional speaker). I did make sure to mention that I had complete trust in all their counsellors, as I know they are all well qualified, some even being teachers. I think she was ready to argue a point with me and was surprised that I said that, as she could then only agree with me. We left on a positive note, I think, but that one thing has just nagged at me.

 

[bbel]

Thanks. Maybe you're right, but there was tone in her voice. But maybe, as we were discussing it, I had tone, too (I am an emotional speaker). I did make sure to mention that I had complete trust in all their counsellors, as I know they are all well qualified, some even being teachers. I think she was ready to argue a point with me and was surprised that I said that, as she could then only agree with me. We left on a positive note, I think, but that one thing has just nagged at me.

Probably just a YA thing lol. Probably just jealous because you got off the ship and had freedom and theyre stuck dealing with mean kids haha. I get it tho, I used to think I was always doing stuff wrong when I was first there with the way you get talked at lol. I think at lot comes working with different cultures and being constantly exhausted we tend to pick up bad habits from each other.
I know I'm a much more harsh person since working a dcl. Not mean, or at least not intentionally. I'm more likely to tell people how it is then dress it up.

 

[NewsMom]

I've never seen the difference between leaving your kids in the Club vs leaving them at day care or at school. They are perfectly safe and well cared for in the club. IMHO they are safer in the club then at school. The only difference I see is if you were to get hurt you can't call neighbors or family to come take care of them. The chance of anything like that happening is very, very small.

For me, I would see a difference between leaving my kid in the club while I did another activity on the ship and leaving him there while I got off in port. Why? Because it's another country. I can think of a lot of fairly mundane things that could happen that would separate us. People do have things happen that keep them from getting back on the ship and then they are forced to meet at the next stop or whatever. #1, I wouldn't want to freak my kid out when I didn't come back. #2, I wouldn't want someone else to be responsible for him because I didn't come back. I'd rather us together in case something happened.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

Thanks. Maybe you're right, but there was tone in her voice. But maybe, as we were discussing it, I had tone, too (I am an emotional speaker). I did make sure to mention that I had complete trust in all their counsellors, as I know they are all well qualified, some even being teachers. I think she was ready to argue a point with me and was surprised that I said that, as she could then only agree with me. We left on a positive note, I think, but that one thing has just nagged at me.

I find it can be easy to misinterpret a tone when you're in the middle of an emotional situation. Maybe she was concerned you were going to blame her or the other YA crewmembers and so came into the conversation already on the defensive.

FWIW, I don't believe you did anything wrong in leaving your son for a couple hours while you shopped in port. I did the same on our last cruise. We were on a 3 night with a stop in Nassau. Normally, my DD and I don't get off the ship there, but we were traveling with my parents as a celebration of my dad's end of chemo and radiation. They'd never been on a cruise before, and my mom had never been out of the country before. They wanted to get off and walk around a bit just to say they'd been there. Given their age, their inexperience with travel, and my dad's health, I felt it was best if I went with them. My DD wanted to stay on the ship to see Beauty and the Beast. She's 13 and this was her 4th cruise. I talked to her about it and she was completely comfortable going to the movie alone while I went with my parents into port. We were back on the ship about 10 minutes before the movie ended. It was a situation of trying to balance things so that everyone in my family was able to enjoy their vacation and do the things they wanted to do.

 

[cruiser21]

While this might be OK with you. I can see a number of parents that wouldn't be too pleased. You get your kid back ask them what they did they tell you they were being called names. You asked your kid what was done?
Oh they told them to stop and told me to suck it up because bullying happens anywhere and everywhere....
Happy vacation!

Most parents I met were actually quite pleased that we told if their kids didn't have a great time. Explained what happened and told them what was done.
And yes. Parents from both sides are informed.

Where did I say I was ok with this. I said it happens and kids need to learn the skills to deal with bullying. I never said they should suck it up and take it.

 

[Momee]

I can guarantee to everyone here I'm not a troll. I've been a member if these threads for right around a year. You can go back and see I've sought advice for trips as well as posted on all types of threads. I DO have strong beliefs, thoughts and opinions based on my upbringing, life, work experience for the 32 years I have been alive. I believe I have as much right to post what
I think and feel as the next person. If I have an opinion I feel strongly about and it is in opposition to the general consensus, I'm still going to post it. You never know who might be looking for that point of view to help them or what minds it may change.

You certainly have a right to post your opinion. To be honest, at first, I respected your opinion and agreed with it. We take family vacations to spend time together and enjoy each other; however, most of the people who posted their experiences made it clear that they were taking into consideration their children's wishes and opinions by not forcing them to walk around a port or go on excursions if they were not going to enjoy it. The children are the ones who mostly request to spend time in the clubs and parents are obviously not allowed in unless its Open House hours. Our children usually want to spend the majority of the vacation time hanging out together on the cruise, but on occasion, they want to go to the clubs. My husband and I are not going to tell them "no, this is a family vacation, you can't go" just like, I'm sure the other poster's children aren't left crying when the roles are reversed and the parents want to take some time to enjoy the port. Some children are just as excited to enjoy the clubs as the parents are excited to enjoy the ports.
You lost me when you posted your "Dear parents..." letter. No need to be condescending with your opinions- just post them and move along. There will always be people who do not agree and may come at you, but becoming rude and defensive changes the entire tune of a thread. I enjoy reading everyone's opinions and experiences with cruising!!!

 

[Anchors Away 2016]

We did a morning excursion as a family, then went back to the ship for lunch. After lunch, my two boys, 14 and 12, went off to the Vibe and Edge respectively. They were done with Tortola. DH and I decided to pop out and take a look at the shops, which are practically right outside the door (albeit a customs check in between). We shopped (too much, but that's another thread) and hung out for an hour or so, then came back on the ship. Later that night, we were talking with the youth club manager CM about some bullying on the stairs to the Edge that my son had encountered (he had on a Lab band and they were calling him a baby and saying he was too young for Edge). Anyway, the CM said they tried to call us, but found out we were off the ship. The way she said it made it sound like we were horrible parents for leaving our 12 year old for an hour. We glossed by the insinuation to continue the point and resolve the bullying (he took off the Lab band), but it's nagged at me since.

Did I do something wrong? I was technically in another country from my children (well, pre-teen and teen), even though I was just steps away. As my son had been having a great time at the Edge and continued to do so, even after that event, I'm hoping it was okay. I don't want to be irresponsible, but I don't want to be a helicopter parent that has to be on call for an event that may never happen. They aren't little anymore.

We all want to raise our kids as best we can and do the things that will help them grow and learn and be the best versions of themself. (Or is that also controversial? LOL) To me, the guiding question that I ask myself as a parent is always, what is best for my children's development in the long term? Sometimes that is being with them. Sometimes, that is keeping my distance and letting them practice their own responsibility. Sometimes it is doing what they want. Sometimes that means showing them that it is important to do what other people want (even parents LOL).

Let's look at your experience, FigmentSpark, since you asked. (Not to put you on the spot, but just to help you think about your question.)

You gave your sons time in the clubs. Time they wanted to have. Time that helps them to experiment with making their own choices and shaping their own self-image. Most of the time, it went great. And I'm sure they benefited from that time. One time (or maybe occasionally) there were some difficulties. Life is like that sometimes. Other people have their own problems and it spills over into our lives. But the CMs helped out as best they could, and when you found out about it, you offered your assistance as well. It really didn't matter much if you were off the boat or just elsewhere on the ship.

At the end of the day, your son had a learning experience. He learned about himself. He learned that some other kids have their own issues to deal with. He learned that others will back him up. He learned that his parents are in his corner, even as they trust him to try things on his own. Likely this experience will help him moving forward.

I'd say you provided him a pretty good set of experiences, by your careful choices. Well done.

 

[NewsMom]

I sent my kids back on board in Castaway Cay while DH and I went to Serenity Bay. They don't last long on beaches, which is depressing to their parents. They re-boarded with their grandparents, who were near but not in connecting rooms. I guess there is really no concern about being left behind in CC though!

The notion that the kids themselves want to be with their parents 24/7 is, um, interesting to me.

That's a little judgmental, no? My son is 9. His dad died two years ago after a week in the hospital, during which my son spent most of his time with my sisters or mother. He gets concerned when I'm not around because he knows what it's like to have someone come back to him and unexpectedly say "Hey, um, while you were gone, something bad happened." And honestly, until you look a first grader in the eyes and see what happens when you deliver that news, well, you really can't imagine the reaction.

Now, I think the kid's clubs are great because they are something that is interesting enough to my son that he will voluntarily leave me. But I don't know what's going on in someone else's life that maybe their kid might have issues walking away.

 

[gotomu212]

I can guarantee to everyone here I'm not a troll. I've been a member if these threads for right around a year. You can go back and see I've sought advice for trips as well as posted on all types of threads. I DO have strong beliefs, thoughts and opinions based on my upbringing, life, work experience for the 32 years I have been alive. I believe I have as much right to post what
I think and feel as the next person. If I have an opinion I feel strongly about and it is in opposition to the general consensus, I'm still going to post it. You never know who might be looking for that point of view to help them or what minds it may change.

Not to belabor this but I did want to respond and explain why I had such a visceral reaction. I absolutely think you have a right to post your opinion and I think it's important to provide all viewpoints for the reason you state to change minds or provide support for different approaches. No one told you to take down you post or that you weren't allowed- people expressed their opposing opinions to yours and why they discounted them.

The place you lost me (and a lot of us) is when you said we treated our kids as accessories to our lives and said we weren't entitled to any personal time to recharge. Parenting is the absolute best thing I've ever done-I live for my kids and would die for them. Every day since the second I was pregnant with my first I have constantly thought about them, worried about them, and worked to provide them their best chance at a happy and healthy life (going on 10 years now). Taking 3 hours to recharge yourself or your marriage on occasion in NO way makes someones children an accessory which is just offensive and implies neglect. I honestly can't believe that you think a parent's life should be spent 24/7 in the company of their children for 18 years (although I have heard people saying that sending your kids off to school is outsourcing the raising of your children so maybe you do think children and teens should never be away from parents or relatives).

I would only suggest that you'd make more of a difference and be heard more if you stated your opinion without demeaning other peoples choices in really abrasive and offensive ways.

I'll step back now since I didn't want to hijack this thread and there's never going to be agreement on the right way to parent- you do what you feel comfortable with as a family.

 

[cmph]

That's a little judgmental, no? My son is 9. His dad died two years ago after a week in the hospital, during which my son spent most of his time with my sisters or mother. He gets concerned when I'm not around because he knows what it's like to have someone come back to him and unexpectedly say "Hey, um, while you were gone, something bad happened." And honestly, until you look a first grader in the eyes and see what happens when you deliver that news, well, you really can't imagine the reaction.

Now, I think the kid's clubs are great because they are something that is interesting enough to my son that he will voluntarily leave me. But I don't know what's going on in someone else's life that maybe their kid might have issues walking away.

I certainly didn't mean to be judgemental. But if your son voluntarily goes to the kids club at some point, then he did actually want to leave your side, and that was really my only point - it's going to be the rare child who quite literally never wants to be away from their parents, even on vacation. I have a child with medical issues who clings quite strongly to me, but even she still needs alone time at points in the day. Or wants to hang out just with her brother. That was my only point. Certainly didn't mean to cause offense with my choice of language.

 

[pezgirlroy]

Back to the original topic, I would leave my kids in the nursery/club if going on a short excursion near the port.

 

[jvh4]

I agree that it depends on the individual more than the age. I would use life at home as the guide. If your child was at school and you had no back up in the area, what would you be comfortable with?

I think what this thread illustrates more than anything is that each individual and each family has their own risk assessment protocol and balance between together time and independence. I have no doubt that everyone who took time to post here did so with love for their children, or love for children in general. Topics like this tend to be emotional and passionate, and we can forget to give each other the benefit of the doubt.

Comfort wise I would prob be ok with walking around port or a DCL excursion that ends well before departure. I would be less comfortable self guided/3rd party excursion, or anything close to the cutoff time. That's just my anxiety level.

I tend to agree with finding a healthy balance of individualism. Growing up in a family where my mom was home during the day and I didn't go to daycare. I struggle with my daughter being in daycare 4 days a week, and want to spend as much quality time with her as possible the rest of the week. On the other hand, for my work I am involved with interviewing candidates for certain positions, many of which we are finding are unprepared to enter the workforce from college. The candidates getting job offers are the ones who have demonstrated independence. Again drawing off my personal experience, I put importance in giving my daughter her space to develop. I try to strike a balance.

I could see where other experiences would lead others to strong beliefs on either side of my position. Earlier in life I was working with foster children who came from difficult upbringing and it certainly made me a bit jaded towards parents and people in general. Perspective changes everyday we are alive as we experience more and more.

 

[bbel]

I just want to put it out there too, that in my three years at Disney, I never once saw kids left in the care of disney because their parents missed the ship.
I did however see kids in care due to medical issues and other 'adult decisions'...

 

[cmwade77]

Honestly, I think that much like how young is too young to leave a child home alone for a little while, this is a personal choice and one that can and should vary from child to child. Quite often I think this could be younger than most people think, really there are plenty of kids that even at age 8 are mature enough to leave home alone for a couple of hours and there are plenty that aren't.

In both cases, I would say whatever age you feel they are mature enough to handle it and yes that may be different on the ship than leaving a child home alone because there will be some supervision on the ship.

I wouldn't really care what anyone else thinks either, do what is right for you and your family.

 

[NewsMom]

No one here is not spending time with their kids. It was your insinuation that even "15 minutes" apart from your children while on vacation was unacceptable. Sorry, but even parents have to go to the bathroom and shower. (And that was a joke. I'm not saying you intended for parents to not do these things without their kids.) As a non-parent, it may seem reasonable to you to say you shouldn't take "me time, alone time, couple time, etc" once you have kids, but when you are a parent and have been through the stage where you can't even go to the bathroom without a little one following you in, you come to appreciate the fact that some times you need a break to recharge so you can be the best parent you can be.

So true. I love my job. I still take my vacation. Not just because it's something I'm entitled to, but because recharging myself makes me a better employee. Having a minute to breathe here and there makes me a better parent, too.