I honestly wish I could give every single person who responded to me a real hug. I would not have gotten through this without your support.
I do have GOOD news to report
I am OKAY! But I'll tell you, the last 48 hours have been an emotional rollercoaster ride for me. I just ate something late last night about 10:00pm and I slept through the night and woke up this morning withOUT feeling like I am going to throw up.
On Tuesday, I met with my PCP at 5:00pm and as soona she knocked on the door and entered the room, I just burst into tears. I could not help it.
And between the crying I tried very hard to explain my fears that I had cancer. She said "who told you you have had cancer??!!"
She said she had just finished looking at my report and said what they saw was 2 nodules. At that I burst into to tears. I asked her if they were cancer.
She admonished me and told me to stop talking like that. She explained that all they want to do is zoom in on those spots and they did not find any calcifications and there was no sign of cancer.
She drew a picture for me...she drew a circle and scribbled in it...she said this is what cancer looks like, then she drew a perfect round circle and she said this what your spot looks like. I can't remember everything else she said because I was crying.
But she did say "if I saw anything that was wrong, I would have come in here and been very upfront with you and said 'I am very concerned'. She said would taken a different approach in our conversation. She said "I am not concerned at all, so I want you to go home, eat dinner and get some sleep, do I need to prescribe something for you to sleep" I told her not but I would be okay.
I felt a little bit better but about 10:00pm that night, I felt like I was going to throw up. I ate a little, but did not sleep. I woke up the next morning and could barely get out of bed and get DS(6) to school and SD(17) out the door on the bus. I was a mess.
My appointment wasn't until 11:45am but I got there at 10:00am. Long story short, I was finally called back and the technician began to explain why they called me back for another exam and an ultrasound.
She showed me my films and showed me where they had circled the 2 nodules. She calmed me down because I started crying but she said some very comforting things. She said she understood my fears, and confided to that her mom died of breast cancer too AND she had nodules in her breast as well...had them for 6 years in fact. She said nodules can appear anywhere in the body but anytime they appear the breast, Kasier has to treat it suspiciously.
She said today we are just going to do a spot compression on the spot and get a closer look to see if they are filled with fluid or just a solid mass. As she was putting my breast into the machine, she said she did not feel anything.
It was so painful. In fact, after she put me back into the waiting room, she came back out and said we need 1 more picture.
But I did as I was told and had the extra picture done. It hurt so bad. I learned the key though is to hold my breath.
She told me to have a seat back into the waiting area so she could let the doctor read the films.
THAT was the longest wait of my life. There were other women in the waiting room but I was the only one sitting there crying, shaking, barely holding it together. They were so calm and they were very nice and kept telling me everything was okay.
She came back out and said the doctor read the films (I thought I was going to pass out) and that the UltraSound team would be calling me back in a few minutes. She was smiling though!
So I said, "did he see something else" and she said actually, they didn't show up as well on this set of films, that's why we are sending you to UltraSound.
So I got to UltraSound, and layed down and the Ultrasound Tech (Jennifer) was very nice. I only had her expression to gauge what was going on inside my breast.
There was a student in there as well "observing" . Jennifer went over my breast and when her face would scrunch up, I asked "do you see cancer?" and she said "no hun, you just have very dense breast tissue"
That took about 15 minutes and she told me not to get dressed and either SHE would come back with the final results or the doctor would.
So I waited in the room just shaking inside. She came back with a paper and said "everything looks good" and IMMEDIATELY, I burst into tears of happiness and gave her the biggest hug and just could not let her go. I held her for so long. I felt like a HUGE burden had been lifted off my shoulders.
She said they were little bitty cysts in my breasts. She said Kaiser just has to establish the "pattern" of my breasts. She said because what may be normal for one women's breast, may not be normal for the next person's breast.
Now, they DO want me to come back in 6 months for a follow up. This part had me panicking a little because this morning, when I woke up, I thought to myself why would they want me back in 6 months unless they saw something serious??
But I told myself to "stop it! just stop it!" they wouldn't have let you out the door if it was something serious. I have not done my research on cysts yet...to scared.
But I do know it's time to get help for these "panics", even after she told me everything looked good, the panic rears it's ugly head again.
I should have gotten more information from her yesterday about this, but honestly, all I heard is "everything looks good and no I did not see cancer" and from the tech who did my diagostic mammogram, "just because our mothers got BC, does not mean we will too". I take comfort in that.
But yes, I still need help to deal with my other "problem".
I have full exam coming up on June 24 with my PCP and I'm sure we will go over my results again. I just need to NOT think about breast cancer for 1 month. For the past 2 months, all I have been thinking about is breast cancer.
I need a break from it.
But I could NOT have gotten though this without God and my Dis friends. I was determined to finish out this thread because I owed it to my friends here and especially to anyone else who may find themselves dealing with mammogram call backs.
Thank you again everyone, truly, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can now plan our family mini vacation. I'm sorry it took me so long to update. I'm back at work and just had a chance to post.
Thank you my friends.
to you and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I am sure everything will be fine.
! Godspeed ^j^
I go today for mine.
