I really need support- please pray for my daughter

I just created a new profile. I've been a member for years but I need to protect my privacy.

My 16 year old daughter has an eating disorder. She also has depression and anxiety, and I suspect OCD. We found out about it in April. When she told me about it, she said it had been going on since December.

I've been taking her to a nutritionist, a psychiatrist and her pediatrician since April. I believed she was getting better. She made it seem like she was. Then this morning she went for her yearly physical at the doctor and tearfully confessed that she has been making herself throw up 5x a day. She has been telling everyone what we wanted to hear. I had so much hope, but she is worse than before.

To say I'm upset is an understatement. I'm distraught and I need someone to tell me that this can get better. She's going to see an eating disorder specialist tomorrow and they may put her in an in treatment center. We have told no one about this but that may have to change.

I'm just devastated that my beautiful girl is going through this. She's a wonderful girl. So caring, thoughtful, appreciative, sweet. She's an absolute joy. I wish she could see herself through my eyes.

Thanks for any advice or encouragement you can give me. I really need it.

Moeg, I'll chime in. I thought about privately messaging you but the truth is, I think part of the real danger of eating disorders is that people are so often private about them, so I don't mind sharing publicly, especially since in my real life I'm quite open about my past.

I struggled with this personally. In college (age 18) I became anorexic for approximately a year. Once during summer break my mom found my journal and discovered the anorexia and confronted me about it. She made me go to counseling, go on Lexapro, do the whole song and dance. So... I stopped being anorexic... and became bulimic instead. The bulimia lasted about 8-9 more years and my mom did NOT know about that. As far as she knew, I was cured.

Essentially I lost a decade of my life to this crap. One thing that helped tremendously was telling other people (friends and family) so that they wouldn't "let" me do it. I told my husband that if we go out to dinner, don't let me go "take a shower" right after we get home, etc. A moment never came to pass that he had to intervene because frankly once the secret was out, I didn't want to do it anymore (well, I didn't want to deal with the aftermath/shame of it). I can't remember when I stopped making myself sick completely. The last years of it I would only do it after a big meal or something compared to in the "heyday" when I was doing it several times a day. I'd say it's only been probably 6-7 years since I went without doing it at all. I am 34 now.

She is quite young, so please don't expect this to be fixed instantly. Many, many, many, many, many folks with eating disorders have to go through a long battle, just like alcoholics, drug addicts, etc. It's not like you go away once and are cured. The thoughts are always in your head. You kind of just have to come to terms with your own life and self esteem and self worth and at 16, you're often just figuring that out. I was in my mid to late-20's when I finally felt comfortable enough to "stop" (although like I said, the thoughts never really leave you). My personal advice would be to bring it out of the shadows and talk about it openly with her. Like I said, I think one of the most dangerous things about it is the secrecy and shame.

Hugs to you. I'm not sure if it would even help but I'm always available if she would like to PM me!
 
I'm sorry that you and your family are going through a difficult time.:hug: Your daughter is in my thoughts. So glad she's getting the love, help, and support she needs.
 
She and you will get through this. My friend was a bulimic long before I knew her and she is now a nutritionist with 2 children. We were just talking about this the other day. She did have to go to inpatient treatment and worked hard for many years after. Good luck to your family in this tough time. It sounds like you have a good relationship with her and are working hard to get her the support she needs. Don't forget to get support for yourself too. You need to learn how best to be her support and how to take care of yourself in this tough time.
 


I'm sooooo sorry you have to go thru this Moeg. Sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts. Stay strong, your daughter really needs you. :hug:
 
I am so sorry you and your daughter are going through this. You are both in my thoughts.
 
Please PM me. I've walked your road, and have a ton of useful information to pass on. Know that your daughter, with your help, can get better. I have a daughter who is vibrant, living proof. But, it's a long road. A very long road. And, the hardest battle I've ever been in. Please let me know if there is ANY help I can provide. I'm not posting more here out of concern for the privacy of my daughter. :-)

Just one word of advice. Not all ED treatment centers are created equal. And, bad treatment (old school, not evidenced based) can be worse than no treatment at all. Really. Please be very careful about this. I've seen too many people waste precious time on bad treatment. You have no time to waste.

As I say, I can point in the right direction with one website (again, for privacy reasons, I'm not posting it here), which is a world wide parent support group. It will be worth your time to go there. I promise.
 
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I'm a social worker who has worked with a few clients with eating disorders. As @sonnyjane said, one of the big things you can do is to be open about it (figuratively and literally). A few parents found success in total open door policies with their children in order to supervise them. They were never left alone, had to sleep in the same room, leave the door open in the bathroom and when showering, etc. so the behaviour couldn't be hidden…

Take one day at a time mama, that you're this concerned and supportive means a lot for her recovery!
 
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Sending all my prayers, good thoughts and love to you and your daughter. You're obviously on top of this and you'll get her the help she needs.

While I don't have experience with eating disorders, my dd17's friend was cutting, and after the parents found out, the mom reached out to me (and I assume other friends parents) to explain what was going on, and that her dd would probably need support from my dd, and in turn my dd may need support from me. I thought that was very wise, and we were happy to help in any way we could. My dd spent hours/days researching how she could be supportive to her friend. Friend is good now btw.

Please keep us updated if you can. I'm sure this is emotionally exhausting, but remember we're here for you to talk to. :grouphug:
 
Prayers and hugs sent!

My daughter's BFF has anorexia, and it's been agonizing to watch since around January. (I won't share details since she's not my child)

Two very positive things...
1. Your dd admits to her behaviors and that she needs help. That is a big step in the right direction!
2. Your daughter is 16. You have legal rights as her parent to seek treatment for her.
(My daughter's BFF is 18, and that is a game changer, legally speaking.)

My very sincere wishes for your DD's recovery!!
 
So sorry. Sending prayers for your daughter and you. Hugs
 
No experience myself but sending tons of prayers being sent. As a mom myself, I know how hard it is when our childeren are hurt or sick. This is serious but you will get through this with her. (((HUGS)))
 
There is hope. Both of my sisters have eating disorders. I say HAVE, rather than "had" because it's like being an alcoholic. There is no "cure", but rather you learn to live in recovery. So they are recovered eating disorder sufferers.

My older sister was bulemic. She shared it with me one night at a party she was hosting at our house before she was about to go off to college. We had just had a big fight and she kind of shouted it at me as a defense for some of her lousy behavior of late. I was stunned into silence for about 10 seconds and then I gave her the ultimatum...either she tells our parents or I will. No way was I letting her go away to college 400 miles away in the grips of this disease that could kill her. Her best friend begged me to keep quiet...even going so far as to tell me how I could tell if she'd been puking when she came home on school breaks. I kicked that chick out of our house right there in an epic shrieking fashion that is still the stuff of neighborhood legend to this day. You do NOT mess with my family. Later that night, when my parents came home, I stood in their bedroom doorway and watched as my sister tearfully told my parents what she was doing to herself. They were clueless about what to do. The next few years were a struggle for her and them. My father was particularly obtuse...."Just stop throwing up and eat!" was his advice. He didn't understand. She eventually got the help of a good therapist while away at school and got into recovery. She battles with food/body image issues to this day in her 40's but she's winning the battle.

My younger sister was anorexic. Luckily my parents had some experience with eating disorders by the time she started. It got so bad for her that she had to be hospitalized in an in-patient treatment program for an entire summer. She was 5'6" and aroun 95lbs. I remember going to visit her in the hospital and she was surrounded by these other girls, most of whom had feeding tubes up their noses. There was one girl...she was so young. I said to my sister how awful it was that this little thing, no more than 8 or 9 years old had an eating disorder. She was so frail and tiny...somewhere in the 80lb range. My sister shook her head at me. "She's not 8 years old." She said to me, sadly..."She's 21." A former gymnast whose body was so ravaged by anorexia.

My sister is also in recovery due to amazing therapists and lots of hard work. Both my sisters are healthy, married, have great jobs...my younger sister had a beautiful baby girl last year too.

Recovery is possible. Just keep being strong for her and for the rest of the family. you and your daughter have my prayers heading your way!!
 

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