I am a big mean mom..

[HarperLeigh]

Being self-sufficient has nothing to do with driving. Getting your self places and planning ahead does. When I was first out on my own I made sure I lived near grocery stores so I could walk and on a transit line to get to further destinations. I certainly didn't make enough to pay for my own vehicle, gas, insurance, etc. on top of living expenses. Paying down student loans can happen a lot faster if a vehicle isn't factored into the budget.

I still think of vehicles as a waste of money, in our house we still share one car, walk, bike or take the bus as needed…maybe it's old fashioned thinking but it's saved us a lot of $ in the long run!

If that works for you, great. There is ZERO public transportation where we live, in rural America. A car is your only option here.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

I think s/he really meant "I do not understand the point of making a thread if you're not going to do what everyone else tells you that they do"

Fair enough but isn't that what most people do? They start a thread to get confirmation that what they're doing is correct and when told no, they rail against it. Seems like normal behavior to me

 

[CdnCarrie]

I think s/he really meant "I do not understand the point of making a thread if you're not going to do what everyone else tells you that they do"

Or maybe she misunderstood that the OP was simply saying "hey this came up in my life lately and this is how I handled it. For sake of discussion what did you do in this situation".

I mean I don't get the threads about song lyrics. Not everything has a "point".

 

[jrmasm]

Or maybe she misunderstood that the OP was simply saying "hey this came up in my life lately and this is how I handled it. For sake of discussion what did you do in this situation".

I mean I don't get the threads about song lyrics. Not everything has a "point".

I understand a discussion. I do not understand starting a discussion when you have zero interest in other people's opinions.

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

So you think it's perfectly fine to ask someone else to do something for your child that you are unwilling to do?

I never said that I wouldn't take my own kids out driving. I absolutely would, so I'm not personally asking anyone to do anything for my children that I wouldn't do. In regards to the OP, none of us knows her situation. Her dad and brother offered to take her daughter out driving. Maybe they live close (or maybe with her) so that DD will get to drive frequently. Maybe they have more time, more patience, or easier cars to learn to drive in. Maybe they (OP's mom and brother) really want to teach her DD to drive and to have that time to bond with her. OP even said in her original post that they offered to take her DD driving, not that she asked them to. There's no reason for everyone to get all worked up because family members offer to help each other out. Now, would it be fair to EXPECT someone else to take her out driving? No, of course not, but there's never been any indication that that was the case here.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I understand a discussion. I do not understand starting a discussion when you have zero interest in other people's opinions.

OP never said that. Just said it was not going to change her mind.

Edited - forgot the "not"

 

[DisneyHardin]

Fair enough but isn't that what most people do? They start a thread to get confirmation that what they're doing is correct and when told no, they rail against it. Seems like normal behavior to me

We all know this is the DisBoards way

 

[rigs32]

Let's assume that there is a great public transportation system where they OP lives. What happens if/when her daughter gets a job offer someplace that doesn't? Or a job expects her to be able to drive herself to client sites, meetings, etc?

Perhaps the daughter should have ponied up her own money to start driving, but like other posters, to me driving is a life skill parents help out with.

 

[HarperLeigh]

I understand a discussion. I do not understand starting a discussion when you have zero interest in other people's opinions.

 

[Nettester]

That may be great for you depending on where you live, but for some of us that is impossible to do. My DH and I live in a small town without bus or subway transportation. We travel in opposite directions for work and there is no way either of us could bike over 50 miles a day back and forth to work. We each need our own car- there is no other way around it.

I look at this way. You choose where you live and where you work. If you choose to live in smaller community and/or far away from your employment, you're choosing to depend on vehicles. To each their own, but this is one reason we have chosen to live in a city, because we love walking, biking, and public transit. Some people love to get in the car for every trip outside the home, and some drive to every single location out of preference, routine habit or necessity. Personally, I avoid driving whenever possible

 

[mom2rtk]

I think s/he really meant "I do not understand the point of making a thread if you're not going to do what everyone else tells you that they do"

I think she was looking for validation of her opinion to bolster her position with her daughter.

 

[adelaster]

I'm pretty sure I paid for the permit & driver's school. I was working at fourteen, and even before that had savings from babysitting.

 

[jrmasm]

OP never said that. Just said it was not going to change her mind.

Edited - forgot the "not"

And I do not understand that.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I think she was looking for validation of her opinion to bolster her position with her daughter.

Yeah, THAT worked well for her!

 

[Hikergirl]

Being self-sufficient has nothing to do with driving. Getting your self places and planning ahead does. When I was first out on my own I made sure I lived near grocery stores so I could walk and on a transit line to get to further destinations. I certainly didn't make enough to pay for my own vehicle, gas, insurance, etc. on top of living expenses. Paying down student loans can happen a lot faster if a vehicle isn't factored into the budget.

I still think of vehicles as a waste of money, in our house we still share one car, walk, bike or take the bus as needed…maybe it's old fashioned thinking but it's saved us a lot of $ in the long run!

I'm not sure it's old fashioned thinking, it is just not feasible for many families to be able to share 1 car.
My dh commutes to work. I suppose we could have bought a house closer, but it was much cheaper to buy a car and live elsewhere instead.

 

[Southernmiss]

I look at this way. You choose where you live and where you work. If you choose to live in smaller community and/or far away from your employment, you're choosing to depend on vehicles. To each their own, but this is one reason we have chosen to live in a city, because we love walking, biking, and public transit. Some people love to get in the car for every trip outside the home, and some drive to every single location out of preference, routine habit or necessity. Personally, I avoid driving whenever possible

I look at this way. You choose where you live and where you work. If you choose to live in smaller community and/or far away from your employment, you're choosing to depend on vehicles. To each their own, but this is one reason we have chosen to live in a city, because we love walking, biking, and public transit. Some people love to get in the car for every trip outside the home, and some drive to every single location out of preference, routine habit or necessity. Personally, I avoid driving whenever possible

Along these lines my niece at age 23 just got her license and bought her first car. The region in the US in which we live does not have mass transit at all. An auto is a necessity.

Niece graduated with her RN in December. For a while, her boyfriend,drove her to work. He got a job an hour and a half away.

He taught her to drive and she on her own went to buy her own car-same model as his-since that's what she was used to.

My brother and his wife offered to teach her to drive since age 15, niece was anxious and never needed to drive herself so she didn't until now.

Though it took her longer than the average, we're glad she finally over came her fear and drives.

 

[mom2rtk]

I look at this way. You choose where you live and where you work. If you choose to live in smaller community and/or far away from your employment, you're choosing to depend on vehicles. To each their own, but this is one reason we have chosen to live in a city, because we love walking, biking, and public transit. Some people love to get in the car for every trip outside the home, and some drive to every single location out of preference, routine habit or necessity. Personally, I avoid driving whenever possible

And that's a fine choice. But to make a choice, you have to have options. If you don't learn to drive, it's not available to you as a choice. I want my kids to have as many options in front of them as possible in life.

 

[lifesavacation]

I paid for my 3 boys and I will gladly hand over the cash for my daughter to take the course. I am so tired of being her chauffeur that I'm highly motivated to help her any way I can.

 

[loves to dive]

My son has worked part time since he was about 14 so when it came time to drive he paid for everything himself. He didn't even ask us to pay for it, to tell you the truth I wasn't aware it even costed anything. He didn't take driver's training, his dad lives out in the country and most of the kids are driving their dad's pickup trucks through the fields and down country dirt roads by the time they are 12.

 

[ronandannette]

I understand a discussion. I do not understand starting a discussion when you have zero interest in other people's opinions.

And I do not understand that.

I think s/he really meant "I do not understand the point of making a thread if you're not going to do what everyone else tells you that they do"

Let's take another look at the opening post, shall we? The ONLY questions asked by the OP were "Did you/would you pay for your child's learner's permit?" and the rather rhetorical "So, am I a meanie?"

OP asked about what other people do, not what she should do. It's been pointed out that this kind of discussion can be informative and interesting - that's why most of us read and post our opinions in similar threads. Advice was not solicited. OP and some posters pushed back against one another because they disagreed - that's also part of a normal, engaged discourse. Going back and forth is the opposite thing to your accusation about not caring what anybody else thinks. Not caring and not being willing to concede your position are different things.

And as for the ridiculous idea that anybody is obligated to do what internet strangers advise them to do - Bwahahahahaha.

Let's assume that there is a great public transportation system where they OP lives. What happens if/when her daughter gets a job offer someplace that doesn't? Or a job expects her to be able to drive herself to client sites, meetings, etc?

Perhaps the daughter should have ponied up her own money to start driving, but like other posters, to me driving is a life skill parents help out with.

Meh - Obviously she (or anybody in the same position) just wouldn't apply for those jobs. Nor would she be offered a job that requires use of a vehicle if she doesn't have one.

I think she was looking for validation of her opinion to bolster her position with her daughter.

This particular OP strikes me as being pretty strong-minded. I doubt she requires validation from any of us, nor would she make parental decisions by "committee".