How fast it all changed.

[Snowflakey]

I'm hoping by now your TV is up and running. Sorry to hear about that bump in the road.

You're doing great - focus now on the amazing celebration you are going to do for him. He is so proud of you!!

 

[rodeo65]

Thanks for checking in Snowflakey! TV is sort of half operational. I managed to get it flipped to the right input source but cannot do anything with the volume control which feeds through the DVR. I have no idea why, but at least we can record the things we don't want to miss now.

It's been a rough week - everyone ended up sick. DS started the night before Mother's Day and ended up missing his competition. DD got it a day or two later and then I started on Wednesday last week. It's finally clearing out now, which is good because I have an appointment today to go to the venue for the Celebration for DH and choose the food and discuss the floor arrangement, sound and video equipment etc.

We had a meeting at school (fun - while we were all sick) last Thursday to discuss what if anything might be salvageable for the kids. It looks like DD might be able to get her semester - IF she attends the support classes at lunches for the last six weeks of school. DS will be lucky to get half of his semester, with the same stipulation. BUT, he didn't make it for the lunch class today. I'm currently trying to get him up for his afternoon classes and he is pretty resistant. I guess he's planning on failing the semester. He just has no interest in school. Never did, but it's even worse now. I keep going back and forth over the line wondering how much is grief and how much is just him.

I keep thinking when are the clouds going to part?

 

[tink1970]

I keep thinking when are the clouds going to part?

Prayers and hugs. I am so sorry it continues to be a struggle.

 

[gillep]

 

[PollyannaMom]

I keep going back and forth over the line wondering how much is grief and how much is just him.

It's so hard to tell!

In the grand scheme of things, graduating one semester late will probably seem much smaller than it does now. Do you think the school would be willing to withdraw him (as if you were moving) and reinstate him next semester? - I think that way, the grades would go in as incomplete, rather than failing. (Check that, though, I'm not an expert!)

I would insist on counseling if he wants to go that route, though.

 

[ronandannette]

It's so hard to tell!

In the grand scheme of things, graduating one semester late will probably seem much smaller than it does now. Do you think the school would be willing to withdraw him (as if you were moving) and reinstate him next semester? - I think that way, the grades would go in as incomplete, rather than failing. (Check that, though, I'm not an expert!)

I would insist on counseling if he wants to go that route, though.

In our system it won't matter as long as he re-takes the same classes. The new, passing grades will be recorded on his transcripts - not the failed ones. There are lots of classes kids here need to graduate and if they don't succeed the first time they have to keep taking it until they do.

@rodeo65 - what grades are your kids in? You may have mentioned it and I'm sorry if I forgot. If your DS in in grade 11 it will be very possible for him to catch up in time to graduate with his class next year. Grade 12 schedules generally have spares built into them for situations just like this and he could always pick up a class or two on-line. If he's in grade 12 right now I'm afraid you'll have a tough time motivating him to graduate late with kids he probably doesn't know. Hang in there hon - you'll make it through this next stage of new normal.

 

[Kaleidodad]

This is a terrible and amazing thread. I am a pretty new poster here, and just came across this and spent the afternoon at work reading all of rodeo's posts and most of the feedback (yes, clearly I am working hard today). @rodeo65 , you are a real inspiration for being so strong in the face of this adversity, and I'm glad you were able to share your strength with us: I'm also glad this is such a great community to be there for emotional support. Really touching. Hoping for the best for you and your family in the days ahead.

 

[lisaviolet]

Rodeo Sighing as I type. So many tough decisions mothering when you're mourning and missing him so much. Don't have any thoughts or advice, just love sent.

 

[Snowflakey]

Keep the faith Rodeo the clouds will part! With regards to your son, if he has to make up the semester that really isn't a big deal due to everything he has had to deal with. I'd make sure he clearly knows that both you and even your husband insists he finish school and get his diploma. If he is unable to get up now and attend classes then maybe use that as a bargaining tool by saying if you can't make your classes then you need to speak with someone regarding everything you've been through. This way he knows that he can't just "drop" school because if he does, then he has to get counseling to help him get back on track. Just a thought.

Always thinking of you....

 

[MamaBelle4]

Sending you love and prayers as always.

 

[Mickeynutty]

Rodeo, praying for you and your kids.

 

[lisaviolet]

Rodeo, just love sent.

 

[Nigel Channing]

Reading through hits me hard. My father was diagnosed with Stage IV pancreatic cancer in September and passed away a few days after Christmas. He was able to have a few chemo treatments in October but they were he'll on his body. He spent his last 10 days at home after a very lengthy hospital stay due to complications from the chemo.

My father was 62 but my parents had me and my siblings in their early 20's through their early 30's. It is always difficult for everyone involved but I can't imagine having to hold it together like you are doing with children the ages of your kids. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Mumketeer]

I have been looking for those signs, Pea. I haven't noticed anything yet other than being absolutely certain that DH was working through me the morning after he passed when I was dealing with my MIL. It was definitely not my own ideas coming out then. I'm going to order When God Winks.



This post means so much to me. Truly! I have not been a terribly active member of this board since I joined when we were planning our first family trip, but I was a frequent lurker and have enjoyed coming to the board and reading regularly.

When I first started this thread, it was really just to escape my reality while still immersed in it. I could just post and not be seeing anyone I knew IRL. I honestly never expected the thread to become what it has. All of the responses have touched me and changed things I thought about myself so much. This thread has become a huge part of who I am now. The sense of community is so strong and I thank all of you who have followed and posted through it all.

Darcy03231, Mizzoufan, minniebeth, MamaBelle4, iivye, focusondisney, mom2rtk, sk!mom, Liberty Belle, mjkacmom, Minnesota!, Allison, Micca, lynxstch, Happyinwonerland, mamamary, BadgerGirl84, asta, Kellydelly, Dan Murphy, pigletto, powellrj, Snowflakey, Meriweather, superme80, NotUrsula, runwad, pampam, LSUmiss, gillep, emmybee, kirstenb1, TB'sWidow, Kathryn Merteuil, low-key, Lori74, mom2rb, John VN, Bianca and Bernard, PollyannaMom, ronandannette, minnie56, lifesavacation, Snowysmom, Feralpeg, DisneyOma, Vicki926, Cogswel_Cogs, Eureka, AnnaFloridaLover, fhtpdw20, Pea-n-Me, Azrael, Mokat76, WebmasterMaryJo, Southernmiss, leebee, Disney Doll, rickybobby, J'aime Paris, Dumbo777, antmaril, Gail Tourgee, smokeyblue, BCDisneyFanatic, The Mystery Machine, Mickeynutty, sasywtch, Tattylou, Bren's Mom, SirDuff, Music City Mama, anniemae, bethy, bellebud, gemini2727, excited family, BellaPaige, Runnergal, lisaviolet, Disney_Alli, manning, 2China2009, LSUmiss, vicwishes, TexasErin, mefordis, Neesy228, wgeo, hegsag, hopemax, magicmommy, desamnik, maxaroni, lifesavacation, albaker, Tikitoi, nancygirl1, Cruisin, minniecarousel, fely1st, Kewz1, vicwishes, TheConsciousness, JenniferYoung44, wdw4us, Mrs. Ciz, mumto3girls, Iya, ols386, olliesmom, Wendy31, OhhBother, 3DisneyBuggs, 720L, Cheetie, Dentam, Kitty 34, mousefan73, K and K's Mommy, Distinkt, VictoriaT, fab1976, luvflorida, nycdisneygal, indimom, star72232, JaneBanks, #1hoosierfan, disney212, ADLFAN, lsyorke, karensi, starrzone, DMRick, ksjayhawks, jalapeno_pretzel, PollyannaMom, chicagodisneyfan, AlohaNow, KBoopaloo, kimblebee, Meriweather, Owlpost23, tarheelmjfan, Earstou, Pembo, TavieP, HeatherC, Someluck, Grom, Planogirl, tinatark, pooh'smate, nancygirl1, StitchesGr8Fan, cassiopia419, Chirple, disneyeveryyear, DLmama, jodybird511, LouChris, PixiebabyMom, macraven, Ngwira, AndreaDM, ls1222, Lynne G, AnnaS, maddiel, robinb, Psychodisney, HeyIt'sMe, chrisney, Nora03, sharbear, Marchand63, aejammers, MinnieTink, ENJDisneyFan, tink1970, belleatdisney, DisneyFan32WI, Snowysmom, AquamarineSteph, CF'er, Pumbaa, Sarah'sMomfrom PA, dish rag, bluezy, Friend of a Mouse, Lynne M, cjbcam, stitch'sgirl, disney212, OKW8297, lanejudy, okeydokey, Wis2InTink, MinnieTink, novajeanjellybean, nancygirl1, bethy, TraceyDisney2008, cm8, schumigirl, Disneylover99, cmarsh31, JuneChickie, morgan98, goofy4tink, ENJDisneyFan, , TeresaBelle, dsny1mom, Someluck, OhMari, soccerdad72, lynxstch, rlk, PollyannaMom, snoodledoo, llcoolj, Disneylvr, snoopy two, teller80, cjbcam, sunnyshari, disneyfanforever, 2Kds2K9, Katlyn, KristiMc, Nancy, coopcd, AuntieMe3, Keli, kwelch10377, Nora03, bcwife76, Sabeking, piglet1979, Elleshoodat, Lehuaann, lizziepooh, DLgal, Cesar05, MJB03, amberpi, disneyhand, Ciao Mickey, mommykds, GracieKam, aejammers, dreamit, karensi, sarahothomas, AnnMarie3, java, Pembo, PrincessShmoo, Mumketeer, ols386, mister morrow.

I hope I didn't miss anyone (and tried not to duplicate.) You all will never know how much it meant to me that you took the time to read and to post - advise, support, care through the worst days I've encountered. I know there are so many more names that liked but didn't post and more still that read but lurked only. Every one of you are all so appreciated!

For those who have walked this path also, I feel for all of you. And particularly, excitedfamily - I am thinking of you a lot. As I know everyone listed and not listed above but who have also followed are thinking of you, praying for you, caring for you also. I hope you are having good days with your DH and I believe you said May 1 is your next important appointment, so I'll be thinking of you then too.

I'm still pretty immersed in busywork, and yes I do take more than enough down time. Probably more than I should, really, but I am where I am in getting through it all, so I'm just letting the days unfold as they need to. Yesterday, I put together the playlist for DH's celebration. That was hard! Music was a big part of who he was and played a big role in our relationship (although we tended to somewhat different tastes, we did share some in common.) There will be a large representation of 80's hair and heavy rock bands. It will be interesting to watch DS choreograph a samba when he has KISS, Aerosmith, Pink Floyd etc to choose from.

 

[Mumketeer]

I think you are very brave and generous to share your experience, I cannot tell you how much it has helped me.

 

[texaslover]

Just wanted to send you more prayers and hugs. I know it gets even harder when all the condolences stop and life has to go on. From everything you have told us you are doing a remarkable job honoring your husband and being a rock for your kiddos. Stay strong and remember to ask for help when you need it.

 

[lisaviolet]

Reading through hits me hard.

 

[Planogirl]

Reading through hits me hard. My father was diagnosed with Stage IV pancreatic cancer in September and passed away a few days after Christmas. He was able to have a few chemo treatments in October but they were he'll on his body. He spent his last 10 days at home after a very lengthy hospital stay due to complications from the chemo.

My father was 62 but my parents had me and my siblings in their early 20's through their early 30's. It is always difficult for everyone involved but I can't imagine having to hold it together like you are doing with children the ages of your kids. My thoughts are with you.

That is rough. My condolences.

 

[Planogirl]

Rodeo, it will get better. It's hard to imagine but in a way you get used to it. You are so strong but don't forget to be weak when you need it.

 

[rodeo65]

Thank you to all who continue to check in. Nigel, I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. It's astonishing me how prevalent this particular cancer has become and in younger and younger men, particularly. When the insurance agent was out earlier this month I said I expected he's has had a lot of this type of meeting (meaning claims due to cancer) and he said yes and this year had already had three for men with the same cancer / secondary cancer that DH had, all stage IV at diagnosis and all young. One was 39, one 46 and DH at 55.

ronandannette - the kids are actually both in grade 10. I had pulled them and homeschooled them in grade 5/6 but took them both back to grade three and started from there. Chronologically, he should be in 11 but is currently still in 10. I don't actually care when he graduates - having ADHD and an LD, he is somewhat socially/emotionally delayed so an extra year won't kill him, although this now puts him potentially 20 at graduation and that more than anything for him may be an issue. I just don't want to see him eventually drop it because he isn't engaged and has a different path in mind anyway. I've made it clear that as long as he lives with me and I support him he is required to graduate. He says he intends to - just plans to do what is needed to graduate and that's about it.

We are finalising preparations for the Celebration of Life on Saturday with a couple of things still to pick up but otherwise finished. I have no idea how many will still be coming since it's been almost six weeks since he passed (can't quite believe that) and I'm sure some people have forgotten. I'm sure we'll have food leftover, but I think some friends are coming back to the house after, so I'll just put it back out then.

We were supposed to have our family dinner for DS's birthday tonight but about two hours before he said he didn't want to go anymore. He said it would be weird without dad and he'd rather do it sometime later. I suggested we could combine it with mine in July and we could see how we feel then.

I picked up our wedding video yesterday. I had it copied in digital format to be sure I always have it since the original was VHS. I can't watch it yet, but at least I have it.