Foster kids and Christmas- how does it work?

[Grumpy's Gal]

We just got a name from the adopt-a-family tree of a little girl who is a foster child. We have her very simple wish list and I'm so excited to shop for her.

It got me to thinking. How does it work? The foster parents buy gifts for their own children but not the foster children? On Christmas morning, the kids may have significantly fewer ( or more) presents than the foster child? If she gets re- located before Christmas, I'm assuming her presents go with her ? Can anyone tell me how this works?

We are also working with an adopt a family who has five kids. They are siblings and we know they will all get the same basic things ( new underwear, jeans, shirts, pjs, socks) and then toys from their wish list. That is what made me wonder how the foster child's Christmas will be. If all of the kids in the house get the same basics and then she will get different things.

 

[Mizzoufan]

I would hope that foster parents would buy foster kids present esp on Christmas

 

[cabanafrau]

Frequently children in the foster system don't have a lot and foster parents carry a heavy load trying to equip a child(ren) from the ground up. Here a lot of the children on the Christmas lists are kids who are not yet established in a foster home, but those who are in a transitional placement while a permanent placement is located for them or a family member is going through the process of being investigated for placement. Foster parents who host transitional placements really struggle to have enough resources to clothe children who frequently come to them with nothing more than the clothes on their backs.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

Well, I'm just so excited to shop for her. Her wish list is so very simple but I'm sure we can do a good job!

 

[scrapquitler]

My friend who has foster kids always buys the same amount of stuff for her foster children as her own.

 

[minniecarousel]

When my brother had foster kids, we asked for lists and divvied them up & got some things for each of them. We get together as a large extended family & it worked out. In fact, they still have one foster left & we usually get him GCs or cash.

 

[CarolAnn856]

We just got a name from the adopt-a-family tree of a little girl who is a foster child. We have her very simple wish list and I'm so excited to shop for her.

It got me to thinking. How does it work? The foster parents buy gifts for their own children but not the foster children? On Christmas morning, the kids may have significantly fewer ( or more) presents than the foster child? If she gets re- located before Christmas, I'm assuming her presents go with her ? Can anyone tell me how this works?

We are also working with an adopt a family who has five kids. They are siblings and we know they will all get the same basic things ( new underwear, jeans, shirts, pjs, socks) and then toys from their wish list. That is what made me wonder how the foster child's Christmas will be. If all of the kids in the house get the same basics and then she will get different things.

My assumption would be that the foster family would make sure that all of the kids in the home would have a fairly equal amount of gifts on Christmas morning. Caring for foster children can be a heavy financial burden, so accepting gifts for them from a giving tree could help ease that strain. But I figure that the parents would still even things out among all of the kids.

It's awesome that you are doing this. We do a couple of different giving trees / adopt-a-family donations through church, work, and another community organization we are involved in. We love knowing that we're helping someone have a happier Christmas this way.

 

[CinderDuffy]

A good friend of mine made things equal between her own kids & her foster kid re: Christmas gifts, and it was great, until the in-laws showed up with gifts only for “their” grandchildren.

So, you never know.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

A good friend of mine made things equal between her own kids & her foster kid re: Christmas gifts, and it was great, until the in-laws showed up with gifts only for “their” grandchildren.

So, you never know.

That makes me so angry.

 

[gotomu212]

Just like everything in the foster care system-you have good foster situations and you have bad foster situations. My friend that fosters 3 kids always tries to have an equal share, but it can be very hard because short term foster kids may be really limited in what they can take to their next home and they need so many basics and money is stretched thin even with the stipend they get.

There are other foster parents that do not buy equal gifts (or any gifts).

 

[McKelly]

A good friend of mine made things equal between her own kids & her foster kid re: Christmas gifts, and it was great, until the in-laws showed up with gifts only for “their” grandchildren.

So, you never know.

I don't doubt this. After a troublesome pregnancy, my DH and I were talking about adopting and my mother told me she would do this. Amazing how mean people can be.

 

[mom2rtk]

I don't doubt this. After a troublesome pregnancy, my DH and I were talking about adopting and my mother told me she would do this. Amazing how mean people can be.

Wait, she actually admitted that if you adopted she wouldn't give Christmas gifts to an adopted child?

 

[McKelly]

Wait, she actually admitted that if you adopted she wouldn't give Christmas gifts to an adopted child?

Yes - exactly what she said. Very manipulative.

 

[mom2rtk]

Yes - exactly what she said. Very manipulative.

That's reprehensible.

What was she trying to manipulate? Nature?

 

[MommyinHonduras]

Fostering is such a blessing and so very hard. There are always reasons that they can not be with their birth families and each case is so different. I can say my family and those we know love the kids in their care as their own whether for one day or for years. Most kids come with a black trash bag with anything they were able to bring. Every positive action into their life help with the all the negative. Lists might be simple but most likely very well thought out if the child is older. Thank you for choosing to bless this child interntionally.

 

[McKelly]

That's reprehensible.

What was she trying to manipulate? Nature?

She was trying to control our decisions. We ended up not doing it anyway, because it was so expensive. We have two biological children, just wanted a third. Anyway, my point was there is more than one person that would do that to adopted children. Maybe a generational thing?
Oddly enough, I am going to a baby shower this morning for a co-worker that just took a foster child in. Seven months old! She is beyond excited.

 

[MommyinHonduras]

My dad does not know my birth children let alone my foster kids. He thinks having kids is only a burden. Still blames my mom for having me. They divorced when I was very young. Probably one of the reasons I foster, no kid should be unwanted/treated as a burden but loved. I very so terribly sad for those who can label people in catagories of worthy/unworthy. Such a dark horrible place to be in.

 

[mom2rtk]

She was trying to control our decisions. We ended up not doing it anyway, because it was so expensive. We have two biological children, just wanted a third. Anyway, my point was there is more than one person that would do that to adopted children. Maybe a generational thing?
Oddly enough, I am going to a baby shower this morning for a co-worker that just took a foster child in. Seven months old! She is beyond excited.

I'll be thinking about that all day. That's just awful. I can't believe she was so focused on getting you to do what she wanted that she couldn't even see how saying that showed her to be such an AWFUL person.

 

[piccolopat]

Yes - exactly what she said. Very manipulative.

I would have told her that if she ever did that she would not be welcome in my home. So sad that anyone can think that way.

 

[punkin]

I think each foster situation is different so ita difficult to say exactly how it works.