Disneyland - WWYD

[PoohPrincess76]

A little background. When DH and I got married in July DH also exchanged vows my my DD. He even gave her a white gold heart shaped diamond necklace. She wears it everyday just like I wear my wedding ring.

DH and I took a small honeymoon, staying only about 1 hour away from home. We couldn't do much more.

FF to today, we are planning a trip to DL for DDs 10th birthday. DDs dad is coming with us.

My thought was to suprise DH and DD and turning the trip into a Disneymoon. Is this ok? Or should we just leave it as a b-day trip for DD? If we do the Disneymoon, would it be ok for DD to have the bride ears as well, since she did "marry" DH too?

 

[autumnbaby9]

I'm a little confused....is your DD's biological dad coming with you or is it just you, your DH and DD. If the biological dad it coming it might be a little weird to have him with you during the Honeymoon. If's just the 3 of you I say sit down with your DH and DD and see what they want to do. If their for it then do it! You might get some guestions while there but I think the idea is adorable.

 

[PoohPrincess76]

DDs biological dad is coming with us. DD doesn't know about the trip. It is a suprise. You may be right about how her dad would feel. I may be trying to jam too much into one short trip.

 

[my3kids]

I can't imagine having an ex husband along on a honeymoon would be much fun for anyone.

 

[disney-super-mom]

I can't imagine having an ex husband along on a honeymoon would be much fun for anyone.

It'd make a funny story though.

 

[mystic_path]

I would just do a birthday trip. A honeymoon really should be for the married couple alone. This gives you a reason to plan a trip elsewhere for another time, just the 2 of you. I mean you could still go to Disneyland and you and your daughter can both wear hats, you the mickey ears with the veil, and her a pricness hat or something, to celebrate being a new family and all. Theres no harm in that. But for the most part, I would keep it a birthday trip.

 

[samkj]

I think it sounds a little weird with the brides ears. Your daughter and husband may have made a commitment to being a family, but they did not marry. Get her princess ears and keep this a birthday trip.

 

[minnietoo]

A little background. When DH and I got married in July DH also exchanged vows my my DD. He even gave her a white gold heart shaped diamond necklace. She wears it everyday just like I wear my wedding ring. If we do the Disneymoon, would it be ok for DD to have the bride ears as well, since she did "marry" DH too?

First off all your daughter did not marry your husband and for her to wear bride ears is a little odd (for me at least). Your husband presented her with a tangible memento that you were one family now - not that she was also his bride. I would be careful about the way you discuss your daughter's and husband's bond - they did not marry, he is her step-parent, she does not belong on your honeymoon (nor does your ex), and she must not get the notion that she also married him. Perhaps I am reading too much into this - but choose your words carefully as you could be misinterpreted and your husband and daughter could be thought to have an incestual-like relationship.

I am guessing that in all innocense and a desire to not have your daughter feel left out your are asking. My thoughts are that it is not necessary for her to be an equal partner in your marriage or anything else. Although, she is an important part of your family, she is a child and children are not the adults in the family and do not have equal footing (roles, privileges etc.) with the adults.

 

[autumnbaby9]

First off all your daughter did not marry your husband and for her to wear bride ears is a little odd (for me at least). Your husband presented her with a tangible memento that you were one family now - not that she was also his bride. I would be careful about the way you discuss your daughter's and husband's bond - they did not marry, he is her step-parent, she does not belong on your honeymoon (nor does your ex), and she must not get the notion that she also married him. Perhaps I am reading too much into this - but choose your words carefully as you could be misinterpreted and your husband and daughter could be thought to have an incestual-like relationship.

I am guessing that in all innocense and a desire to not have your daughter feel left out your are asking. My thoughts are that it is not necessary for her to be an equal partner in your marriage or anything else. Although, she is an important part of your family, she is a child and children are not the adults in the family and do not have equal footing (roles, privileges etc.) with the adults.

I have no problem with how the OP stated this. When my Aunt remarried her DH gave rings to both her daughters to symbolize that he was marring(SP?) the whole family not just my Aunt. This is fairly common around here and no one mistakes it for an incestual relationship. As for taking the DD on the Honeymoon a lot people I know do this too. But I still think having the EX along would be really weird for everyone, especially the OP new DH.

 

[disneegrl4eva]

I think it sounds a little weird with the brides ears. Your daughter and husband may have made a commitment to being a family, but they did not marry. Get her princess ears and keep this a birthday trip.

I think the idea behind the OP thought is very cute...I agree with Samji though about her wearing the princess ears is a good one...as far as the honeymoon..meh Id scrap that idea unleeeess you have your dd and her biological father spend some time alone and you and your hubby get some quality time alone...so you could still kill 2 birds with one stone just keep the honeymoon part between you and your dh...

 

[disney-super-mom]

Even though it sounds like you all get along fairly well (you and your new DH with your ex), keep the trip about your DD's birthday.

I wouldn't flaunt your wonderful "new" family unit in front of your ex by wearing Disney groom and bride ears either. Your ex may say it's fine, but trust me, he's going to feel odd, out of place, and possibly jealous or hurt to see his daughter wearing Disney bride ears too.

I know you may be trying to show your ex that he's still an important part of your daughter's life by trying to include him, but to include him in a honeymoon or Disneymoon is not appropriate.

Daughter stuff is great to share with him - birthdays, school funtions, soccer games, music recitals, etc..., but to have him there when you're celebrating your new marriage is a no no.

 

[PattiPB]

I think it's awesome and commendable that you and your ex are putting your daughter first and creating memories for her with all of her parents involved.

I'd stick with just a b-day trip. That will give you an excuse for a "Familymoon" at DL a few months from now!!!! During that "Familymoon" trip, I'd ask your DD is should would prefer bride ears, or one of those new-style princess crowns that kids can design themselves.

 

[Harmony]

Keep it all about *her* birthday.

 

[laui]

birthdays are the one time each year where it's all about celebrating that person, only.

i'd keep this trip just about your daughter and nothing else.
as lovely and thoughtful as your intentions are, i'm guessing this will mean more to her and her special place in the family than wearing the brides ears to celebrate the honeymoon. do that another day.

i know you are only wanting the occasion to be super special for all of you and i'm sure it will be whatever you decide to do.

 

[spazzyjazzy]

I would keep it as a birthday celebration.

 

[Echo queen]

I would go with birthday only.

 

[PoohPrincess76]

Thanks for all the input. I am thinking B-day only is the way to go at this point.

 

[Zoemakes5]

Keep it b-day, but maybe you and DH can go off by yourselves for a romantic dinner while your DD is off with her dad. Or one night she can stay in the hotel with her dad and you and DH can have a romantic evening. I wouldn't promote that with anyone other than you and DH, though. Present it to DD and her dad that you'd like for them to spend some alone time together and just plan around it with your DH. I also think, even if DD's dad doesn't say anything or act poorly, it's human nature to feel like an outsider in a newly created family. Feel left out and be slightly jealous of the relationship that the step-dad has with DD, if not you as well. Heck, even if it were just me going with you, I could imagine feeling like a third (or fourth) wheel with a brand new family on their first trip to DL.
And, while I love that you want to include your DD, I was my mom's maid of honor and my dsd gave me a beautiful amythyst (my birthstone) ring and it made me feel special and included and part of the new family. I do think you need to be a bit careful as to how you present (both to your DD and to others) the idea that he "married" her as well. Sometimes words have distinctive meaning in society, marriage and "married" are a couple. And, other's may not quite understand, when your DD is at school and says (quite innocently), "my mom and I married John last month". Or "I married John last month." Plus, as she gets older, you don't want the typical young girl "crush" to be affected by perceptions that he's "hers". Or that he's equally hers and yours. It's better to start early and set expectations for what the relationship really is. How 'bout you make up a certificate (you could make a really special, beautiful one) that says "Became a family", and reiterates some of the promises you all made to each other that day. And then you and DH and DD sign it. Focus on the special relationships that were actually created that day. Just my opinion on the issue. When you go to DL, maybe getting matching ears (non-bride) or hats or t-shirts would be great, but I'd recommend doing that for everyone, DD's dad included, or not at all. Or just for you and DD, but not the men. It's tough getting the arms around the concept that everyone there is DD's family, but not everyone there is a family. It's tough as a kid.
Hope you guys have a great time. What a fun and special day.