Disappointed

[Pea-n-Me]

Plenty of people change physically over the course of long marriage due to a variety of bad habits. No longer being attracted to someone for that reason makes you an *** in my book.

Sounds like I hit a nerve, sorry.

 

[galaxygirl76]

Just a quick FYI. We recently discovered that even if you have stopped smoking, many years ago, the effects can come back to you. My BFF’s father permanently wound up on oxygen because of the damage done to his lungs. He quit smoking 50 years ago. It’s insidious.

So true. My dad quit smoking almost 13 years ago and is now suffering from Copd. It's awful to watch him go through that.

 

[low-key]

no one is more disappointed in him, then himself, tell him you believe in him, and you know he will kick its butt when he is ready

 

[lisaviolet]

That's hard OP.

Has he tried hypnotherapy? Do you think he might be open to it? Or acupuncture?

____________________________________

My father was a pretty heavy smoker for years, and no amount of pressure from my mother made a difference. And she was quite aggressive about it during a time when many smoked.

One day some university students came around with pictures of cancer, from smoking. Lungs, oral cancer etc. All the ugly in multiple pictures.

Well can't imagine them going door to door today, with this climate! But it worked. For whatever reasons the pictures did it for him, and that was that. Stopped that night and never smoked again.

 

[jrmasm]

Sounds like I hit a nerve, sorry.

Not really. Just thought what you were suggesting was awful.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Not really. Just thought what you were suggesting was awful.

I think it's awful to personally attack someone you disagree with.

 

[jrmasm]

I think it's awful to personally attack someone you disagree with.

Cool. Exactly the same thing.

 

[ronandannette]

Ah, smoke-shaming (or in this case chew-shaming) - one of the last remaining things one simply can't be too judgemental and hurtful about, all the while maintaining a imperious sense of superiority.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Ah, smoke-shaming (or in this case chew-shaming) - one of the last remaining things one simply can't be too judgemental and hurtful about, all the while maintaining a imperious sense of superiority.

Bull.

Many women are turned off from lovemaking with someone who chews tobacco because of the smell of the breath, stains of the teeth, gum sores and bleeding, and other unseemly things associated with the habit.

Don't believe me, google is your friend. (I deliberately didn't post any stories or pictures, but there are plenty out there for your perusal.) And for those it doesn't bother, great.

I was not being judgemental of the OP. I was trying to help by pointing this out. And I was trying to do it discreetly, but thanks to some of these ridiculous accusations, it's front and center now. J'aime Paris was not being judgemental, either.

Some of you smokers seem to be a little sensitive about this topic!

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Ah, smoke-shaming (or in this case chew-shaming) - one of the last remaining things one simply can't be too judgemental and hurtful about, all the while maintaining a imperious sense of superiority.

Are you the person who was complaining that you had to smell the smoke of your neighbours weed and couldn't stand the smell yet were outside smoking yourself? It's not smoke shaming it's not wanting to breath in other's bad habits. Smoke stinks and years ago I smoked so I'm sure I smelled bad too, not to mention the health problems, included asthma that I caused myself.

As for chewing tobacco, I would be disgusted if my husband did that and yes, I would be turned off by the smell of his breath, yellow teeth and bleeding gums. Correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't one constantly spit while they chew or is that just the baseball players that I see?

 

[MamaBelle4]

Bull.

Many women are turned off from lovemaking with someone who chews tobacco because of the smell of the breath, stains of the teeth, gum sores and bleeding, and other unseemly things associated with the habit.

Don't believe me, google is your friend. (I deliberately didn't post any stories or pictures, but there are plenty out there for your perusal.) And for those it doesn't bother, great.

I was not being judgemental of the OP. I was trying to help by pointing this out. And I was trying to do it discreetly, but thanks to some of these ridiculous accusations, it's front and center now. J'aime Paris was not being judgemental, either.

Some of you smokers seem to be a little sensitive about this topic!

First, I took no offense nor did I think you were being judgmental.

Even that didn't deter her...she just hid it better. Sad that she couldn't find it within her to quit for her baby.

I've never had another cigarette since that night 20+years ago.

Resolve. Either you have it. Or you don't.

all the while maintaining a imperious sense of superiority.

I assumed ronanddannette was referring to the above quote from J'aime Paris, which I did find to be judgmental.

 

[ronandannette]

Just referring in general to how nobody holds back on their disdain for smokers, even in the most derogatory and personal ways. A guy comes on here and says he's not interested in a woman any more because she's fat or has grey hair or an unpleasant "feminine" odor or whatever? And then suggests telling her so to "helpfully" motivate behaviour modification? He'd be chased off with pitchforks. Try and suggest a meth head or opiate addict is weak-minded and shameful for not being able to kick off their "monkeys". Totally unacceptable these days because it's such a "complex issue" and at it's core, an "illness" deserving of compassion.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Just referring in general to how nobody holds back on their disdain for smokers, even in the most derogatory and personal ways. A guy comes on here and says he's not interested in a woman any more because she's fat or has grey hair or an unpleasant "feminine" odor or whatever? And then suggests telling her so to "helpfully" motivate behaviour modification? He'd be chased off with pitchforks. Try and suggest a meth head or opiate addict is weak-minded and shameful for not being able to kick off their "monkeys". Totally unacceptable these days because it's such a "complex issue" and at it's core, an "illness" deserving of compassion.

The disdain is for smoke not smokers. Smoke smells vile to non smokers plus second hand smoke is harmful for those that are subjected to it. When people say they wouldn't want to date a smoker it's because their breath and clothes smell like an ashtray and if they smoke inside then their home/car smells like smoke too. Smokers are often coughing up phlegm and create big health problems for their heart and lungs. When I smoked years ago, I used to hide it from most outsiders because I was embarrassed of my bad habit. I brushed my teeth after every cigarette, never smoked inside the house or car and washed my jackets constantly. I'm sure I still smelled of smoke though. My hair must have. Honestly I think the biggest reason I finally quit smoking was the shame I felt. I even managed to somewhat hide it from my kids. Nobody else in my circle smoked. It took me two tries but it was the best health decision I ever made.

I don't have any animosity for people who smoke, I get it.

 

[ronandannette]

The disdain is for smoke not smokers. Smoke smells vile to non smokers plus second hand smoke is harmful for those that are subjected to it. When people say they wouldn't want to date a smoker it's because their breath and clothes smell like an ashtray and if they smoke inside then their home/car smells like smoke too. Smokers are often coughing up phlegm and create big health problems for their heart and lungs. When I smoked years ago, I used to hide it from most outsiders because I was embarrassed of my bad habit. I brushed my teeth after every cigarette, never smoked inside the house or car and washed my jackets constantly. I'm sure I still smelled of smoke though. My hair must have. Honestly I think the biggest reason I finally quit smoking was the shame I felt. I even managed to somewhat hide it from my kids. Nobody else in my circle smoked. It took me two tries but it was the best health decision I ever made.

I don't have any animosity for people who smoke, I get it.

I completely agree with all of this. I'm a smoker and certainly wouldn't think of trying to mount a defense for it - there is none. As for your earlier comment about the pot smoke though, well, people like what they like and I'm not embarrassed about being bothered by the smell of it.

Interestingly, with our pending legalization of marijuana, I heard a thing on the radio not long ago about how "tolerance" is going to work. Apparently our city police received over 100 calls to 911 last year reporting people smoking cigarettes in places like public parks, on the sidewalks and in parking lots - not places specifically designated as smoke-free. At the same time we've just opened a multi-million dollar, medically supervised "safe-shooting" gallery for drug addicts and naloxone kits are available free-of-charge and with no questions asked from any emergency room or fire hall. It just sometimes seems like the world's gone mad...

 

[FutureDisneyEventPlanner]

When people say they wouldn't want to date a smoker it's because their breath and clothes smell like an ashtray and if they smoke inside then their home/car smells like smoke too.

I feel like this is a generalization. My partner smokes and I didn't even know until he told me. His breath never smells and he himself never really smells either...maybe I just got lucky? Lol, carry on...

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I feel like this is a generalization. My partner smokes and I didn't even know until he told me. His breath never smells and he himself never really smells either...maybe I just got lucky? Lol, carry on...

I'm assuming you didn't know he smoked because he didn't smoke in front of you in the beginning of your relationship. Are you saying you don't smell the smoke from his cigarette or smell any smoke on his breath when you see him smoke? Maybe you're sense of smell isn't like mine.

 

[J'aime Paris]

First, I took no offense nor did I think you were being judgmental.





I assumed ronanddannette was referring to the above quote from J'aime Paris, which I did find to be judgmental.

Disappointed
The title of your thread.

dis·ap·point·ed
ˌdisəˈpoin(t)əd/
adjective

1. (of a person) sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one's hopes or expectations.

Sounds awful judgmental to me. But whatever! I'm out.

 

[MamaBelle4]

dis·ap·point·ed
ˌdisəˈpoin(t)əd/
adjective

1. (of a person) sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one's hopes or expectations.

Sounds awful judgmental to me. But whatever! I'm out.

Yep. I'm disappointed he had a lapse and is endangering his health. I had HOPED he wouldn't, hence the disappointment.

I don't think any less of him for it, unlike you and your friend. And your proclamation that if someone cannot quit as easily as you quit casually smoking that they lacked resolve, was judgmental to an entire group of people who struggle with their addictions daily.

It seems you don't know the difference between disappointment and being judgmental. Bless your heart.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I completely agree with all of this. I'm a smoker and certainly wouldn't think of trying to mount a defense for it - there is none. As for your earlier comment about the pot smoke though, well, people like what they like and I'm not embarrassed about being bothered by the smell of it.

Interestingly, with our pending legalization of marijuana, I heard a thing on the radio not long ago about how "tolerance" is going to work. Apparently our city police received over 100 calls to 911 last year reporting people smoking cigarettes in places like public parks, on the sidewalks and in parking lots - not places specifically designated as smoke-free. At the same time we've just opened a multi-million dollar, medically supervised "safe-shooting" gallery for drug addicts and naloxone kits are available free-of-charge and with no questions asked from any emergency room or fire hall. It just sometimes seems like the world's gone mad...

The police receive thousands of nuisance calls each year. People be cray cray.

As a smoker who developed life threatening asthma from my habit, I could go into any emergency or walk in clinic and get an inhaler or even a prescription for steroids. I probably would have died without my inhaler in those days. People who get cancer and heart disease from their smoking addiction are treated in hospitals.

This is a good article which explains safe injection sites may help understand how invaluable they are: https://www.vox.com/science-and-hea...4/safe-injection-sites-heroin-opioid-epidemic

 

[jrmasm]

Bull.

Many women are turned off from lovemaking with someone who chews tobacco because of the smell of the breath, stains of the teeth, gum sores and bleeding, and other unseemly things associated with the habit.

Don't believe me, google is your friend. (I deliberately didn't post any stories or pictures, but there are plenty out there for your perusal.) And for those it doesn't bother, great.

I was not being judgemental of the OP. I was trying to help by pointing this out. And I was trying to do it discreetly, but thanks to some of these ridiculous accusations, it's front and center now. J'aime Paris was not being judgemental, either.

Some of you smokers seem to be a little sensitive about this topic!

Please. She married him as a chewer. Clearly not a turn off for her. Can’t imagine how you could think pointing out something she doesn’t feel might be helpful.

And J’aime Paris has no clue as a self proclaimed casual smoker what the heck he/she is talking about. 100% judgemental.