I agree with your number one gripe about WDW. I much preferred it there when you could just wander about and get to ride pretty much everything you wanted to, stroll into whatever TS restaurant struck your fancy and get a table, etc. I also think the current FP+ system has created giant standby lines at rides that used to have minimal standby lines (SE comes to mind here).
You could, you know, eliminate this entire problem from your upcoming trip by deciding to not ride RotR, assuming the same system is still in place, and wait to ride it on a future trip when a system you'd prefer would be in place. Problem solved.
Yeah, there are people complaining about how it didn't work out for them. But there are also people saying how it did work out. I'm hardly the only person who's gotten to ride RotR and not had it ruin everything else that was planned. Not everyone has had a terrible, miserable experience with the VQ. Really, you could have a FP+ for anything at all and that ride could be down and not come back up until you're out of the park. It's not going to kill your entire trip.
If you're going to WDW specifically to ride RotR and that's your biggest priority, then you're going to have to roll with whatever is going on then, even if you don't like it.
Also, don't think that your ADRs are set in stone. You could probably rearrange a couple of them without tremendous difficulty. Touring Plans has a reservation finder--you do not have to join their site to use this feature--and I've gotten reservations through that for extremely hard-to-get ADRs. Although I'm half expecting you to now say that you've read terrible experiences people have had with not being able to get reservation X, Y, or Z or that your reservations cannot be moved because of whatever reasons you might have. Which is fine. It's about your priorities. If the ADRs (or some of them) are tremendously important to you, then don't go to DHS that day and try for a RotR BG.
Look,
@JakeAZ--Things could work out or they could not work out. Why not assume they
are going to work out? A lot of things in your life must work out pretty well if you're able to afford a vacation to WDW! I admit that RotR is a unique experience. I'm very glad I got to ride it at all, much less twice. But would it have destroyed my WDW trip if I didn't? No. We had a great time doing everything else. And will again on our next trip.